This and that, and other things as well

Sometimes I get into these phases where I'm motivated to write/create and share said creations with the internet.

Other times I suddenly feel like I have nothing to say and don't want to share anything with anybody, so I start a bunch of things and never finish them.

Such was the latter half of 2013 on this blog.

But today is a slow day at work, I have a bunch of thoughts swimming around in my head, and just enough motivation to put some words together. Huzzah!

Because... well why not?

Let's start with summing up 2013:

- Part of my hiatus from blogging is because I changed jobs in November! I've been working through a temp agency here in Columbia since I moved here over the summer, and in November my "temp-to-hire" position at the law office turned into "unfortunately, just a temp" position. So two weeks before Thanksgiving, I was suddenly job searching again. Super fun, let me tell you. But, God is good, as is my temp agency, and I was unemployed only 2 days before accepting a new position where I have been working ever since! Thus, I went from being a receptionist at a law firm, where I mostly did nothing for most of the time, to working customer service for a retail company during the busiest shopping month of the year. 

And now, a PSA from a Customer Service representative:

As I have just survived my first holiday season as a retail customer service person, I would like to share with you an observation that isn't very profound but that everyone should understand:

 Most companies are not Amazon/Apple/giant corporations with unlimited resources and employees: 

Support small businesses! It's great! But understand that being a small business means that they don't necessarily have 24-hour customer service, or hundreds of employees filling orders, or the ability to get you what you want the day after you order it. And yelling at whoever answers the 800 number you found on their website won't change that. In addition, said person on the Customer Service line probably had nothing to do with whatever mistake was made on your order, nor do they have any control over the Postal Service/UPS. Just so you know.

I feel you, Michel. I feel you.

But seriously, I'm really enjoying my new job. The office is full of fabulous people, I do enjoy being busy and learning new things, and many of the customers I talk to are very nice. Plus (shameless plug) some of the stuff they sell is super cute. Check it out.

- Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were spent with family. So many loved ones, never enough time, but it was such a blessing to get to see everyone. Especially our dear little ones.

And now, it's 2014:

- This is the year folks. This year, Drew finishes school [for now] and [if everything goes according to plan] will be ordained. The qualifiers are simply because the Lord likes to laugh at our plans, and saying anything definitively makes me nervous ;) But seriously, it's happening. All these things we've been talking about for the past 4+ years are finally coming to fruition. Drew has been approved, the draft for our regional placement will happen next month, synod assignment will happen after that, and in a few months time, Drew should be interviewing at churches. And then this will be our life.

THE FIRST THING ANYONE EVER SAYS 
TO A TWENTY-SOMETHING PASTOR

- Lastly, today is our 2nd Staniversary. Yep, we're pathetic adorable.
But seriously, this guy.

Today, as we celebrate having this cutie in our family for 2 years, I am once again thankful for the wonderful people who found him as a puppy and cared for him until we adopted him. And I'm grateful for the people all over the country who have stepped up this week to find shelter for strays in the places that are experiencing such terrible weather.


There it is. The blog has made it to a new year. Happy 2014, y'all :)

Marvel and Frozen crossover. For reasons.
From here.

Cousins

Maybe it's because I've been anticipating this weekend with my parents, or perhaps because Brother Bear's wedding is already 2.5 months gone, and it'll be another 2.5 months until we're in Fredonia again, but I am missing my cousins A LOT lately.

My sweet cousin, Alissa, shared this old photo this morning, 

prompting a lot of nostalgia and thus, this post :)

If I'm remembering the stat correctly, my dad has 26 first cousins on his dad's side, and three living siblings in addition to that [anyone wanna check my math?]. In case you're wondering, that makes for very large family reunions. Though many have moved away at one point or another, my dad and all his siblings, and several of his cousins ended up back in Fredonia, where I grew up, when they settled down and had kids.

What's so funny [ironic? sad? just a fact of life?] to me today is that many people whom I consider to be good friends have little to no idea about my crazy extended family and what a huge part of my life they are. Even as I write this, I can't talk about what being a "Conti" meant without first clarifying that Conti is my maiden name, because there are many who have never known me as anything but Michelle Tucker. Growing up and moving around is weird like that, isn't it? But that's another topic for another post. Today, I'm reminiscing about these amazing family members who are also some of my dearest friends.

To be a Conti in Fredonia was a thing. I'm the second oldest of 11 [soon to be 12!] grandchildren in my dad's family, currently ranging in age from 25 to 2 years old [or, fetus if you're counting the 12th :P]. The older seven of us were all within 5 grades of each other, and we went to the same school. Adding to the mix my second-cousins, I had at least one cousin in the four grades ahead of me, and the four grades below me, and three who graduated with me. If that isn't crazy enough for you, a good number of us also lived on the same road. As in, all of my neighbors were related to me.  A number of my aunts and uncles either taught or coached sports in the school district. One owns a health club downtown. My grandpa has been a farmer in town for most of his adult life. On several occasions people at school asked me to draw up a family tree so they could figure out exactly how I was related to this cousin or that teacher. When I introduced myself to somebody new, it was probable that once I said my last name there would be some recognition, for better or for worse. 

I've talked before about how my brother and I are pretty close, and how I being at Ashland together made me realize how abnormal that was, but even growing up I was never under any delusion that the situation with my extended family was "normal." While many of my friends only saw their cousins for holidays or special events, I saw mine all the time. We had our own friend groups and niches, but inevitably our activities and experiences were interwoven. Bus rides, choir, sports practices and rides home were most often shared with at least one cousin.  We sang in church and ate spaghetti at Nana's almost every Sunday. In the summers we did chores, had sleepovers, explored the creek, went to camp and had bonfires together.  When the younger cousins came along, they became our first babysitting victims charges. We weren't just family, we were friends, classmates, cheerleaders and, occasionally, adversaries. It wasn't normal, 

it wasn't perfect, but man was it fun :)

How do you transition from being so intertwined in the lives of this many to seeing them 2-3 times a year? Not easily. 6 seasons since I left Fredonia and I still hate that I can't watch Alissa's XC meet this weekend, despite how vividly I can remember the discomfort of being outside all day to watch her run in high school when there was 2 feet of snow on the ground. For all the hours and days I spent at soccer games or wrestling tournaments for the older boys, I hate that I may never get to see Sammy play for his high school team, or watch Jules march with the band. I especially hate that I can probably count on two hands the number of times I've seen Patrick since he's been born, and the same will probably be true for the new baby in her first 2 years. It may be normal for many people to only share in the accomplishments of their extended family from afar, but it still does not feel normal to me.

The grandchildren, plus spouses :)

I've loved the past 6 years since I graduated from high school, and I don't regret my choices to go away to college or the moves that followed. But I will never stop missing these dear people when I'm away from them, and I wouldn't want to. Missing them is hard, but I feel so incredibly blessed that I have so much to miss.

Sometimes you forget to blog for a month...

Welp... it's August now.

How'd that happen?

July was full of travel and family and exciting things, which was awesome. But now I am happy to say that I am staying put in Columbia for awhile. And that Drew will be here for good tomorrow. AND that I've found a full-time job here as a receptionist at a law firm. Boom! I'm so glad to be done with the application/interview process. Definitely not my favorite thing. It is weird/intimidating to be the new girl at the office, but everyone is really nice, and I think that I'll be able to enjoy myself.

August means the start of classes, and we will for sure be missing our Dukies, but I'm excited for the official start to our Lutheran year and all of the craziness that involves. We've met some great people here and I'm excited about the community we will form while we are here. And as fast as this summer has gone by, I know that the spring and all the changes that come with that will be here in a flash.

But as for the lost month, I still can't believe it's over. Our nephew was baptized, Brother Bear got MARRIED! I got to spend a night at Camp Findley, and see a lot of family. It was an exhausting and amazing couple of weeks. Of course the camera got left in Drew's car, which is why I haven't posted any pictures yet (sorry Mom!) but in the meantime, I do have this one :)

My baby cousin is cuter than yours :P

Happy Monday!

That week in Chicago

So much life has happened in the last month. I've started several posts at different times to update y'all on our life and what is happening, but they always fell by the wayside.

And now, as I sit in our very messy, 1/4 unpacked apartment in Columbia, I'm still not going to explain what's happening with us. Not today.

What brings me back to the blogging world this morning is that, four years ago today, I was having reconstructive back surgery at Northwestern University Hospital in Chicago.

I've made mention of this anniversary the last couple years on Facebook. But when I woke up this morning and realized the date, I wondered about whether I should say anything about it; whether recalling attention to that time is relevant, or necessary, or worth the time. Let's be honest, my back has had enough attention to last a lifetime.

But when I recall that week of hospitalization in 2009, it's not the surgery I think about. It's not the pain and the struggle that I dwell on. The shining memory from those seven days, and the days of my recovery that followed, is how incredibly loved I felt by those who cared for me.

My surgery and subsequent recovery was the most humbling (read: often humiliating) time of my entire life. I was literally unable to do anything by myself. I needed help just to get out of bed, let alone walk, eat, clean/dress myself, etc. I hate to ask people for help, but I quickly had to swallow my pride and allow my caretakers to inconvenience themselves for me. To wake up throughout the night to help me move, to raise my spirits with conversation and laughter, to sleep in hospital waiting rooms, to track down nurses when I needed something, to help me eat just to deal with the sickness that followed, to sit by me as I cried and pay attention to the doctors when I couldn't focus because of the pain killers.  Most of all, to do all these things and more without ever making me feel embarrassed or like a burden.

So, on this anniversary, I want to say thank you to my parents, Drew, and Josiah. I don't know what you think about when you remember that week, but for the rest of my life, June 12th will be a day that I remember each of you with overwhelming gratitude.

Brother Bear

Today my brother, Tom, turns 22 years old.

Happy birthday, dude :)

It's going to be a good year for Tom. In a few short weeks he'll graduate from Ashland University, move to Seattle to start his awesome job at Amazon, and then at the end of July he's getting married to the absolute perfect girl for him. I could not be more thrilled for both of them.

I got to spend my last year and a half at Ashland with Tommy.  I loved having him there, knowing that once I graduated I was moving to North Carolina and would thus see him a lot less.  At one point during his first semester, we were eating together in the dining hall and one of my residents came to our table when Tom was up getting food, and asked if Tom wanted to sit with him and his friends. I told him we were catching up, but thanks for the offer, to which the student replied, "Wow, my sister goes here too but we would never eat together!"

I didn't think about our relationship a ton prior to that time. Tom and I grew up doing everything together, but we were surrounded by our cousins and their siblings who also did everything together. It didn't seem odd to me that we would be friends by the end of all that, but I guess for some people it doesn't work out that way. Not everyone likes their siblings. Or, they can like them but not really be friends. Realizing that made me pretty appreciative.  We didn't always get along perfectly, but I can think back throughout our childhood and know that he has always been there for me, and vice versa.

Together, we played made-up games that spanned for months. We had names (and an intricate social hierarchy) for all our stuffed animals. We would get sent to our rooms for fighting with each other, but then sit by the shared wall in our closets so we could keep talking. We made pacts to show each other our Christmas presents early. When I first got my back brace, he helped me loosen and re-tighten it before I could do it on my own, so mom and dad wouldn't know. We survived chamber choir, wrestling seasons, and musicals together. He stayed up with me at night after my surgery, and talked to me until I could take my meds. I watched him come to Ashland and finding an amazing new group of friends, but he still found time to eat with me once in awhile when I was feeling lonely because Drew was so far away. And this past year, I've cheered him on as he took an internship in a far away city and rocked it all summer, and when he bought an engagement ring all by himself, proposed, and then landed a kick-ass job for after graduation.

So, TomTom, happy birthday. I'm so proud to see the man you have grown up to be, and glad I've gotten to be a part of the journey so far.

Here's to you, brother :)

Stan the Man

If there are no dogs in Heaven then, when I die, I want to go where they went.
- Will Rogers

One year ago today, our little family went from 2 to 3. Yes, today we are celebrating one year since we adopted our dog, Stanley, a day that Drew and I have quite adorably dubbed our "Staniversary."

Last January, after many months, Drew finally begged  persuaded me to get a dog. We had looked online at some different rescues down here, but decided the Saturday after we got back from our holiday travels to check out a few adoption events that were happening in the county over. Three pet stores later, we met Stanley.

There were two other puppies in crates when we saw Stan, and while they were flipping out he was laying calmly in his crate. He was 5-6 months old at that point, and about 30 pounds. It didn't take long for his shiny black coat, adorably floppy ears and calm but curious demeanor to win us over. We filled out the paperwork, and with the blessing of his foster mom who we met that day, we took him home!

Drew was definitely the dog person in our relationship prior to this point, but Stanley turned me into a dog person. I mean, who could resist this cutie?? Owning a dog is not always fun or convenient, but this guy makes it so worth it. He's always good for a self-esteem boost when I'm wiped after work and he is so excited to see me come home. He's a great cuddler and good company when Drew is gone. And he helps keep my kitchen floors clean. Or, at least, without any crumbs :)

Stanley was found as a 8ish week old puppy wandering the streets, malnourished and alone. But thanks to the Johnston County Animal Protection League, and Stanley's wonderful foster mom, Sherry, he was taken off the street and brought into a home full of love. Sherry trained and socialized Stanley, and I'm so grateful to her for the wonderful job she did with him. We feel so happy to have found him, and I know that a big part of that is thanks to her :)

So, if you're thinking about getting a dog (or a cat for that matter!), PLEASE consider adopting through a rescue organization! There are so many animals in need of homes, and many organizations work tirelessly to give care for these creatures who desperately need someone to love them, and who desperately want someone to love back.

 So, as I finish typing this post and Stanley quite adorably rests his head on my arm, I am feeling very blessed and so grateful. Grateful that Drew convinced me to get a dog, grateful to Sherry for taking such good care of Stanley until we found him, and grateful for this silly and wonderful creature falling asleep against me, who has, in one short year, taught me so much about love and companionship. I'm happy to have you to love, Stan the Man, and so glad that you love us back.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. 
- Roger Caras

It's that time of year...

... when having no desire to shop is problematic.

I love Christmas, and I love giving people gifts. But for some reason, this year I'm suffering from some shoppers-block. I have absolutely no idea what to get for people, and little time or energy to go out looking for things.

I mean, I know that my family is going to love me no matter what, but I still feel kind of lame that I can't think of anything to get people, you know?

So here's to hoping that I am struck by some great ideas in the very near future. But more importantly, here's to only a few short weeks before Drew, Stan and I pack the car and drive up to the [hopefully not too] cold North to spend time with those we love.

Waiting Expectantly

11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. - Jeremiah 29:11-12

 14 The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. 15 In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David; and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. 16 In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: "The Lord is our righteousness."
- Jeremiah 33:14-16

It's been a busy week since we got back from our Thanksgiving in Colorado. One of those weeks where I drove to the church a two nights after I got off of work so I could see my husband for 15 minutes before he went into a meeting. Where the dishes didn't get done for awhile, and we ate out a couple of times. But our Sundays are generally about the same: we get home from church, Drew falls asleep on the couch watching football, I fool around on my computer while kind of watching football, and Stan paces around wishing we were more exciting :P It's a ritual that I enjoy.

Now it's December, and Advent has started. Advent is the start of a new church year. It is a time of expectation and hope.  We read the prophecies foretelling Jesus' birth, we light the candles, we remember this crazy thing that God did those many years ago.

It's kind of funny to me that every year we go through this practice of "waiting expectantly." We wait in assurance that God will be faithful and honor the promise that He has made to us.  It's funny, because you'd think after all this practice we would be better at doing it in real life. But let's be honest, it's easy to wait expectantly for something we know has already happened. We begin each Advent knowing what the outcome is: the Messiah.

When it's our own lives, though, waiting is not a strength of ours. We are impatient people bred in a culture of instant gratification. We get upset when our internet page takes more than 5 seconds to load, when we can't get something shipped in two days, or when the McDonalds' worker asks us to pull our car up to wait for our order. And that's just the small stuff. What about when we're waiting to hear back about that dream job we interviewed for? Or waiting to meet that special someone? When we're waiting for medical test results, or about a scholarship to our first-choice school, waiting expectantly is not what we want to do. We want God to give us whatever outcome we desire, and the sooner the better.

When Jeremiah was prophesying, it was in the darkest of times. The temple had been destroyed. The people were taken off into captivity. The majority of Jeremiah's writings are full of grief and loss. Yet, Jeremiah still spoke of God's promises. He reiterates that God's plans are good and that they will come to fruition. Even as the world around him was burning, Jeremiah waited expectantly for the righteousness of his Lord.

The timing of this post and of these reflections of mine are not coincidental. My Aunt Lori will be having surgery tomorrow morning in Buffalo to remove a tumor from her brain. From what I know, the tumor is in a good location and the surgery is expected to go well, but of course we're all worried and anxious for the ordeal to be over with. Also, Drew's grandfather is in the hospital right now with some heart complications, and we are not sure what that means or what's going to happen next for him. And there are many other people in the midst of this Advent season who are grieving due to sickness or death in their families, because of lost jobs,  separation from family members, because of homes destroyed by natural disasters, or ravaged by war.

So what is there to say to myself and my family as we pray for Lori tomorrow, to Drew and his parents as they worry about Grandpa Dale, and to everyone touched by fear and sadness at the beginning of this most joyous season of Advent? Remember Jeremiah. Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. Jeremiah, who complains and lashes out in despair as he watches the place where his people encounter God toppling over, and his countrymen taken away from their promised land. Jeremiah, who would not see the righteousness he prophesied about in his lifetime, but spoke the Word of the Lord for the generations to follow. Jeremiah, who knew, though all seemed lost, that God was still good. Jeremiah, who waited expectantly for the promise that we have already received: Immanuel, God with us.

21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.
- Lamentations 3:21-25

Confused Thankfulness [#3]

It's 1:19 a.m., so I can officially say Happy Thanksgiving to y'all.

Last year when I was up this late (or, early, rather) on Thanksgiving it was because we were getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving dinner. This year I'm not cooking anything, and I'm pretty ok with it ;)

No, this year we are traveling for Thanksgiving. In a few short hours we will drive to the airport and get on a plane to Colorado to spend the holiday weekend with Drew's parents, our sister-in-law and her family, and finally meet our nephew, Benjamin.

One of my favorite pics of the little guy so far :)

The traveling will be crazy for sure, but I'm excited to spend a few days with Drew where neither of us have work expectations, to see family we don't get to spend time with often, and to get as much of this precious boy as possible.

We're leaving for the airport at like 3:30 a.m., so I decided to just stay up and keep busy in hopes that once we get on the plane, I'll be so exhausted that I can't help but fall asleep, no matter how uncomfortable I may be. Drew decided to go to bed a couple hours ago, so I've been enjoying some introvert time, cleaning, packing, and putting up the Christmas tree.

[blurry pic of the tree from Photobooth]

I've been thinking some about growing up. My brother and his fiancee are spending Thanksgiving in NY with my family, and she tweeted earlier about it being her first holiday away from home. I realized as I responded with support to her, that this is my 6th [major] holiday from home. I was a bit taken aback by that. I can't believe how quickly these last few years have gone. That first holiday away is such a big thing. Now it's a fact of life. It's not any easier to know what I'm missing by not being in my childhood home surrounded by the family who raised me. I'm still looking forward to the next time I'll be in that place with those people, and in the years to come I will always hope that we can spend these particularly special days of the year with them.

But, I find myself torn this Thanksgiving. Torn between all the different places I want to be. I want  to be in Fredonia, playing Dutch Blitz with Tom and Cait, helping my Mom get the house ready for dinner tomorrow, seeing all my cousins and eating way too much of Nana's stuffing. But I also want to be in Colorado, meeting my nephew and spending time with Drew's parents and Michelle and her family. And I want to be in Ohio, with the rest of Drew's family and Matt and Karen and our godsons. And, truth be told, I want to be in Durham, spending a few days at our home without having to worry about work, cuddling with Stanley and making dinner for our friends and students who are staying behind this weekend.

I've lamented before about how it's hard growing up and having work and other responsibilities keep you from the things you want to do and the people you want to see. It's been hard for me, a person raised with so much family so close to me, to live this far away. But, I think tonight, I'm realizing that it's hard growing up because, as you grow, so does your capacity to love. And the more you love, the more there is to miss.

So to all my family and dear friends, I wish a very Happy Thanksgiving. For those I will not see this holiday, I miss you terribly, but I'm thankful that I have you to miss.

Just to say something

It's been over a week since I blogged asking y'all to pray for me about a job situation. For the reasons surrounding that post and otherwise, much of last week wasn't great. I thought about blogging a couple times, but I had no idea what to write about, so I didn't. I'm not sure I have much to write about today, but sometimes you just need to say something, you know?

I would still covet your prayers over my job stuff. With Drew's encouragement, I did give notice to my boss, saying that I would not work past Christmas. It was hard, and I'm still nervous about finding something else, but I know it is what's best for my health and sanity, and I'm grateful that Drew helped me feel ok about that. We've been really blessed to find out that we'll be receiving some financial support from one of our churches in the near future, so I'm thankful that God is providing in that way as I continue to search for a way to make some more money for us.

Despite the less than stellar week, the weekend was fun because our [newly engaged] friends from Ashland, Cameron and Sara, came for a visit! The timing could not have been better as Durham graced us with a beautiful 70 degree weekend. It was so nice to catch up and visit with them, especially at such an exciting time in their lives!

Monday I worked both jobs and got home just in time to see Drew off to a dinner meeting. Rather than mope around by myself, I corralled my little bro and talked my parents through getting google plus so that we could all do a google hangout. Best. Idea. Ever.

Dad, Mom, and [really old] Chip the Dog

Tom discovered the Effects App

 

 

 Arrrrr!

Tom has a cake, and I have a party hat.

It was pretty great. Since Drew and I are heading to Colorado for Thanksgiving, I won't get to see my family again until New Years', so I'm very grateful to Google for developing such cool software, even if we are letting them take over the world.

So, while I'm still stressed and unsure about the job situation, it's good to remember that I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family.

That's something worth saying.

Confused Thankfulness [#2]

Praying tonight for those in the midst of Hurricane Sandy. [See this earlier blog post for some other thoughts about the hurricane]. I have a lot of family up North but fortunately they don't seem to be in any serious danger right now. I know this can change quickly, but for now I'm thankful. 

Thankful is something I've been feeling more often in the last week. My job situation is still not ideal, but Monday-Wednesday some opportunities presented themselves and things are looking up. Thursday night I had a great time with Drew & Duke Lutherans [more on that later]. 

Friday night I babysat a couple adorable little girls so a Div. student couple could get a night out. I was happy to help them, but in the end I know I got the best end of that deal. Reading on the couch with a two and four year old curled up on either side, and then listening to them sing each other nursery rhymes when I [unsuccessfully] tried to get them to go to sleep. Yep, I was definitely thankful for that.

 Saturday we did some much needed cleaning before going to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Great food, got to catch up with friends, and OSU won. All things to be thankful for.

Sunday I slept in [reallllly late] which I haven't been able to do in a long time. Simple thing to be thankful for, but thankful nonetheless.

But, to return to a previous thought, it's Duke Lutherans that have been a big reason for this thankfulness. Thursday night we had a pumpkin carving party outside at St. Paul's new fire pit. It was a beautiful 70+ degree day, and I got to build the fire, so I was a happy girl. But those silly things aside, it's our students that bring me to this place of appreciation. It's such a joy to work with these people in this exciting and tumultuous time of their lives. And it's a joy to see Drew as he steps further into his call to work with them. The last three months have changed some of our plans, and for brief moments made us question what we were getting ourselves into with this whole "work in the church" thing. But those doubts can't last long when we're with these kids. They're the reason we're doing this. They're the call.

Drew summed it up nicely in his facebook status that night:

At some point during Sacred Space, the weekly small group event for Duke Lutherans, for the first time in a while I simply stopped and looked at our group. A few fully funded graduate students carving pumpkins along with a couple of NCAA Division 1 scholarship athletes. The leader of Antic Shakespeare enjoying the fire with the social chair of a sorority and museum curator to be. A PreMed Religion Major and an undeclared musician leading the charge for comedic relief and the first sloth/gourd fusion known to humankind. Others of us - fraternity brothers & coxswains, theologians & biologists, and many more unnamed - joined us in spirit. And I thought to myself, quite literally, "My God, what a wonderfully eccentric group," quickly followed by "My God, Thank you for this group, each of these people, this church which you entrust to me, with which you bless me, in which you show me your love and purpose for the world." Each of them - each of you - bless me, bring me life and light through Jesus, who binds us all together in our eccentricity.

[Now someone just has to tell us how we're supposed to say goodbye to these guys in May...]

And suddenly... bagpipes!

Weekends are too short.
Especially weekends with family.

In case you missed my super excited post about home a couple weeks ago, this past weekend Drew, Stanley and I made the [10-hour] trek up to western NY for my cousin's wedding. This officially ended Wedding Season 2012 for us. Between May and October we were invited to 7 weddings in 4 different states. Drew made it to four, I made it to five. It was crazy busy, but I loved it. It's so wonderful to be able to celebrate with people we love.

Thursday after work, we packed up our car and drove North. We got in after midnight, but Dad waited up for us, so we chatted with him for awhile. We finally crawled into bed around 2 a.m., but sleep was short lived, as both my body and Stanley woke up about 7:30 a.m. when we normally do, ready for the day. It was ok, though, because I wanted to soak up every minute I had. The trees had just started to turn, the grapes were ripe on the vine, it was sweatpants weather... pretty much perfection.

Later we walked down the farm and visited with Nana & Nano, took my dad out to lunch for his birthday, and took a 4-wheleer ride through some of the back property that Drew hadn't seen before. It was cool to have Dad play the tour-guide and tell us more about the family land.

Then it was spaghetti time! Weekly spaghetti with the family is one of the things I miss most about my childhood, so it's something I try to arrange every time we make it home. Friday did not disappoint :) We had over 30 people stuffed in our house, eating, laughing, and catching up. Plus we watched Avengers after dinner. What could be better than that? After everyone left I again stayed up way too late chatting with Tom and Caitlin about life, school, and wedding plans. Their wedding is set for the end of July, and I absolutely cannot wait.

Saturday, after some morning shoe shopping with my mom, we all headed up to Buffalo for the wedding. Though there was some stress/frustration about organization (or lack thereof) by the venue, it all worked out in the end.  I hadn't gotten to spend a ton of time with Angela during her engagement, but before the ceremony Jess, Alissa and I got to steal a minute alone with her in the bride room to snap a picture and pray together.

The room for the ceremony/reception was gorgeous, and the ceremony was beautiful. Once the couple had been announced and the first kiss was over, we heard... bagpipes? Yes, indeed. A kilted man playing bagpipes was walking in the door. Apparently the groom loves bagpipes and has always wanted bagpipes played for him, so Angela and her mom surprised him by hiring someone to play them for the recessional. It was pretty sweet :)

Then... it was party time :) The food was great, the bar was open, and the dance floor was packed. This is the only point of the weekend I actually took pictures, so here are a few.

Me & my handsome husband.

We clean up nice :)

All 6 of us!

My girls <3

 Grandkids +

 

Me & the Bride!

Unfortunately the night had to end. We drove back to Fredonia, ate some pizza and played Dutch Blitz with Tom & Cait, and then went to bed. Sunday was lost in the 10-hour drive back, but the weekend was definitely worth it. It's always sad to leave, but it was nice to get back to Durham and know that, though we had just left one home, we had returned to another one.

Blessed

My life is not perfect. It's full of struggle and sin.
But sometimes, even in the middle of that strife,
I am struck by how incredibly blessed I am.

This is my little cousin, Grace. Yesterday was her 6th birthday. I held Gracie in the hospital the day after she was born, and like her older siblings I've been blessed to watch her grow up. I cannot wait to see this dear one [and all the rest of my cousins!] in just a few days time.

 

This is our nephew! Baby Tucker was born yesterday afternoon, weighing in at 7 lbs and 20 inches long. No name as of yet, but Mom and Baby are healthy, and we are so incredibly thankful :) Unfortunately we have to wait until Thanksgiving to meet this little guy, but we're grateful for cameras and the internet so we can get our fill of this boy in the meantime!

The students who make up Duke Lutherans are a steady source of joy for Drew and me. Working with these incredibly gifted people as they are growing and discovering what they want their lives to be is such a gift. And they're pretty fun ;) In the last couple weeks two of our students have written two very different but amazing articles that you should totally read. "What the Disney Princesses Got Right: College Edition" is hilarious and full of some good advice. "Remembering Lessons of Cancer" is thoughtful and convicting. I encourage you to check both of them out, and then be jealous of the cool people that Drew and I get to live amongst here in Durham :)

Just 2.5 more days of work, and then NY bound.
Lord, give me strength.

Confused Thankfulness

I've been thinking about this post since last night, unsure of if/how I wanted to write about what's on my mind. It definitely won't be the most well-crafted blog I'll ever write, but I would like to share my thoughts anyway.

It started last night with a conversation with Drew's brother and sister-in-law, who are expecting their first baby within the next couple of weeks. Without divulging too many personal details, I'll simply say that, thanks to a recent change in doctors, a problem that may have been overlooked at the previous hospital was noticed in time to prevent the baby from being in danger.

Upon hearing the news, my first response was to be grateful. I breathed a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks to God for watching over our loved ones, born and unborn. It was a reminder of His faithfulness that I too often overlook, in such a tangible and dear situation that it was hard to grasp.

But that gratefulness was rivaled by some confusion and sadness as well, because of other stories of people not so fortunate. Of babies lost, due to circumstances that may have been prevented if noticed earlier.

Now, this post is in no way meant to degrade medical professionals or our healthcare system. No, my confusion in all this is centered around my faith, or rather, the One in whom I have faith.

I struggled last night with thanking God for delivering my family from a tragedy, when I knew other families are mourning the loss we were spared.

Why? This is what plagues me. Why were we so fortunate, when others were not? I believe God hears and answers prayer. I know Drew and I have prayed protection and health over our sister-in-law and the baby, but that thought does not settle me. What of the other families? What of their prayers? How can I be grateful for Providence in our situation when it seems lacking for others?

I studied Religion at Ashland. I've had the Problem of Evil discussions. I know that for thousands of years people have dedicated their lives to this project, and it still confounds us. I don't know that I have any observations worth discussing, or anything close to resembling an answer. I simply felt compelled to share my struggle.

I don't understand, but I continue to be thankful in the midst of my confusion. And I'll continue to hate and struggle with the evil and pain in this world, while believing in the good God who created the world. Why? Because I believe that God's heart is grieved as well. Because this broken world fraught with struggle and pain is not what He wants for us, and He has promised deliverance.

[Home]

Angela, one of my [many] cousins, is getting married next weekend, which means Drew and I will be spending a couple days in Fredonia. The last time we were in WNY together was New Years. I spent about 48 hours there this summer for another wedding, but that's it.

To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

Don't get me wrong, I love the home that Drew and I have made in Durham, and I will be very sad when it comes time to move. But there's just something about being in the place you grew up. The familiarity, the comfort, the sights, sounds and smells. And that's just the physical place. Add into the mix my ridiculously large family who still reside in Fredonia, and it gets even better :)

Being in the family house on the family farm is something I love. It's a bonus that it's the beginning of fall! The grapes will be ripe, the chestnut trees will smell amazing, and hopefully it'll still be warm enough to sit out on the porch and enjoy the scenery. Angela conveniently chose a wedding date that coincides with my Dad's birthday, and I'm pumped to be able to be with him on his actual birthday for the first time in I don't know how long. Dad's not a huge "celebrate me" person, but it'll be nice to have the whole family together, even if we're just talking on the couch or playing cards.

I mean, who wouldn't want to see these beautiful people?? For all the cool things 2012 has been, it has also been the year that I have seen my family (immediate and otherwise) the least in my entire life. Mom, Dad and Tom came down here for Drew's graduation, and then I saw Mom and Dad again in Ohio for Drew's grandma's funeral, but that's it. I know that's what happens when you grow up, but it's still lame. I also know that distance isn't all a bad thing. We're all different and independent people, and probably would drive each other crazy if we all lived under the same roof 365 days a year. But going 10 months with less than a week of facetime with the ones who I have spent most of my life with is crazy. I'm not sure it'll get better over the next couple years, so I'm going to enjoy every second I get to spend with these dear ones.

PLUS as if a regular reunion weren't enough excitement, Tom and Cait are now ENGAGED! I can't wait to give my brother a congratulatory hug, gush over the ring, and talk with my soon-to-be sister about wedding plans.

So here's hoping the next week goes fast, that this lingering cough goes away, and that travel goes smoothly. Because I can't wait to pull up that long stone driveway, let Stanley out of the car and watch him run around the home that I grew up in, to pick a few grapes to eat, to hug my parents, to ride around on the 4-wheeler with Drew, to marvel at how big my little cousins are getting, to eat spaghetti, and to watch my beautiful cousin walk down the aisle.

Song of the day

First things first: my baby brother got engaged last night. Aah!!
So incredibly excited for them. I've been freaking out ever since Tom told me he was ring shopping earlier in the summer, so now that it's official I can barely contain myself.


So other than that excitement, today I realized that I haven't listened to music as much in the past six months for some reason. I'm thinking that needs to change, though, because I've been remembering some gems in the past few days, and it makes me want to have headphones on 24/7.

Today's obsession: 24 by Switchfoot.
[lyrics here]

So much goodness held in this song, but my favorite lyrics are towards the end.

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me

It's the Jacob imagery that gets me. In Genesis 32, Jacob is preparing to meet with his brother Esau for the first time since Jacob stole Esau's blessing. Jacob's a bit afraid to see his brother (and, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I'm hoping feeling a little guilt for his wrongdoings), and so after he sends his entire camp over ahead of him, verse 24 says "a man wrestled him until daybreak." Jacob continues struggling with the man, not letting go even after serious injury, unwilling to surrender until the man blessed him.  It is here that Jacob becomes Israel. His persistence and struggle allow him to realize his purpose and to receive the blessing that is rightfully his.

Good song. Good images. I'm digging it. And when I get into a song, it generally means that I listen to it about 50 times in a two day period, just to make sure I soak up all the goodness ;)

Well, I'm pretty exhausted. Had a Duke Lutheran event with a couple other campus ministries and served food to about 400 freshmen. It was awesome, but I'm ready to drop, so I think I'll turn in early tonight.