Two years.

"Because love, at its most beautiful and sacred, can be brutally unromantic. It's about sacrifice, commitment and friendship. People don't really fall in love as much as they work their way there." [from here]

It's been a long time since I last wrote. December is crazy, especially when you work in the church (or two). And I haven't really known what to say. But today is our two year wedding anniversary, and it seems like there should be something said about that.

I can't say that these two years have been perfect. Adventurous, busy, full of change, and exciting, yes. But not perfect. To be honest I've made many mistakes that I wish I could take back. But marriage isn't about perfection. If it was, no one would be married. No, it seems to me that marriage is concomitantly beautiful and challenging because it requires you to love another person better than yourself, to care about the needs and desires of another person as much as your own, to identify and admit your own flaws because of their affect on the person you hold most dear. Our partner, or rather, our desire to love our partner well, can motivate us to make these changes and become better people. But this process is terribly challenging, because we (or, at least, I) can be very self-centered beings, and these changes are not at all easy.

In the past two years I have moved across state lines and fallen in love with a new city. We made dinners without a kitchen and washed dishes in the bathtub. I graduated from college and found a job.  I cheered Drew on as he got a new job and finished his M.Div. We've made wonderful friends and have gone to a lot of weddings. We adopted a dog and learned to love even more. We have shared successes and failures. We have had great times and some not-so-great times. I can see my growth in some areas, and see where I have a lot more work to do in others.

But these two years are gone, and I can't wish them back. What I can do is press on. Marriage is the most challenging commitment I have ever made, and it is only with God's grace that I can hope to do it well, and believe that in two more years I will have made some more progress. Not for the sake of "success" in the world's eyes, but because I love my husband, and I would hope that in two more years I would have learned to love him better.

So, my love, here's to you. For putting up with me and my crazy, confusing, and often selfish ways. For helping me to be brave and believing in me when I'm unsure of myself. For encouraging me to try new things. For sharing your family with me and for loving mine. For the impromptu gifts, late night waffle dates, and for killing spiders for me. You may be the most challenging commitment I ever made, but you're also the best one. Two years behind us, forever in front of us.

Happy Anniversary :)

It's that time of year...

... when having no desire to shop is problematic.

I love Christmas, and I love giving people gifts. But for some reason, this year I'm suffering from some shoppers-block. I have absolutely no idea what to get for people, and little time or energy to go out looking for things.

I mean, I know that my family is going to love me no matter what, but I still feel kind of lame that I can't think of anything to get people, you know?

So here's to hoping that I am struck by some great ideas in the very near future. But more importantly, here's to only a few short weeks before Drew, Stan and I pack the car and drive up to the [hopefully not too] cold North to spend time with those we love.

Waiting Expectantly

11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. - Jeremiah 29:11-12

 14 The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. 15 In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David; and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. 16 In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: "The Lord is our righteousness."
- Jeremiah 33:14-16

It's been a busy week since we got back from our Thanksgiving in Colorado. One of those weeks where I drove to the church a two nights after I got off of work so I could see my husband for 15 minutes before he went into a meeting. Where the dishes didn't get done for awhile, and we ate out a couple of times. But our Sundays are generally about the same: we get home from church, Drew falls asleep on the couch watching football, I fool around on my computer while kind of watching football, and Stan paces around wishing we were more exciting :P It's a ritual that I enjoy.

Now it's December, and Advent has started. Advent is the start of a new church year. It is a time of expectation and hope.  We read the prophecies foretelling Jesus' birth, we light the candles, we remember this crazy thing that God did those many years ago.

It's kind of funny to me that every year we go through this practice of "waiting expectantly." We wait in assurance that God will be faithful and honor the promise that He has made to us.  It's funny, because you'd think after all this practice we would be better at doing it in real life. But let's be honest, it's easy to wait expectantly for something we know has already happened. We begin each Advent knowing what the outcome is: the Messiah.

When it's our own lives, though, waiting is not a strength of ours. We are impatient people bred in a culture of instant gratification. We get upset when our internet page takes more than 5 seconds to load, when we can't get something shipped in two days, or when the McDonalds' worker asks us to pull our car up to wait for our order. And that's just the small stuff. What about when we're waiting to hear back about that dream job we interviewed for? Or waiting to meet that special someone? When we're waiting for medical test results, or about a scholarship to our first-choice school, waiting expectantly is not what we want to do. We want God to give us whatever outcome we desire, and the sooner the better.

When Jeremiah was prophesying, it was in the darkest of times. The temple had been destroyed. The people were taken off into captivity. The majority of Jeremiah's writings are full of grief and loss. Yet, Jeremiah still spoke of God's promises. He reiterates that God's plans are good and that they will come to fruition. Even as the world around him was burning, Jeremiah waited expectantly for the righteousness of his Lord.

The timing of this post and of these reflections of mine are not coincidental. My Aunt Lori will be having surgery tomorrow morning in Buffalo to remove a tumor from her brain. From what I know, the tumor is in a good location and the surgery is expected to go well, but of course we're all worried and anxious for the ordeal to be over with. Also, Drew's grandfather is in the hospital right now with some heart complications, and we are not sure what that means or what's going to happen next for him. And there are many other people in the midst of this Advent season who are grieving due to sickness or death in their families, because of lost jobs,  separation from family members, because of homes destroyed by natural disasters, or ravaged by war.

So what is there to say to myself and my family as we pray for Lori tomorrow, to Drew and his parents as they worry about Grandpa Dale, and to everyone touched by fear and sadness at the beginning of this most joyous season of Advent? Remember Jeremiah. Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. Jeremiah, who complains and lashes out in despair as he watches the place where his people encounter God toppling over, and his countrymen taken away from their promised land. Jeremiah, who would not see the righteousness he prophesied about in his lifetime, but spoke the Word of the Lord for the generations to follow. Jeremiah, who knew, though all seemed lost, that God was still good. Jeremiah, who waited expectantly for the promise that we have already received: Immanuel, God with us.

21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.
- Lamentations 3:21-25