Confused Thankfulness

I've been thinking about this post since last night, unsure of if/how I wanted to write about what's on my mind. It definitely won't be the most well-crafted blog I'll ever write, but I would like to share my thoughts anyway.

It started last night with a conversation with Drew's brother and sister-in-law, who are expecting their first baby within the next couple of weeks. Without divulging too many personal details, I'll simply say that, thanks to a recent change in doctors, a problem that may have been overlooked at the previous hospital was noticed in time to prevent the baby from being in danger.

Upon hearing the news, my first response was to be grateful. I breathed a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks to God for watching over our loved ones, born and unborn. It was a reminder of His faithfulness that I too often overlook, in such a tangible and dear situation that it was hard to grasp.

But that gratefulness was rivaled by some confusion and sadness as well, because of other stories of people not so fortunate. Of babies lost, due to circumstances that may have been prevented if noticed earlier.

Now, this post is in no way meant to degrade medical professionals or our healthcare system. No, my confusion in all this is centered around my faith, or rather, the One in whom I have faith.

I struggled last night with thanking God for delivering my family from a tragedy, when I knew other families are mourning the loss we were spared.

Why? This is what plagues me. Why were we so fortunate, when others were not? I believe God hears and answers prayer. I know Drew and I have prayed protection and health over our sister-in-law and the baby, but that thought does not settle me. What of the other families? What of their prayers? How can I be grateful for Providence in our situation when it seems lacking for others?

I studied Religion at Ashland. I've had the Problem of Evil discussions. I know that for thousands of years people have dedicated their lives to this project, and it still confounds us. I don't know that I have any observations worth discussing, or anything close to resembling an answer. I simply felt compelled to share my struggle.

I don't understand, but I continue to be thankful in the midst of my confusion. And I'll continue to hate and struggle with the evil and pain in this world, while believing in the good God who created the world. Why? Because I believe that God's heart is grieved as well. Because this broken world fraught with struggle and pain is not what He wants for us, and He has promised deliverance.