You can have the best of me

1) from here 2) from here 3) from here 4) from here  5) from here 
6) from here 7) from here 8) from here 9) from here 10) from here

Cousins

Maybe it's because I've been anticipating this weekend with my parents, or perhaps because Brother Bear's wedding is already 2.5 months gone, and it'll be another 2.5 months until we're in Fredonia again, but I am missing my cousins A LOT lately.

My sweet cousin, Alissa, shared this old photo this morning, 

prompting a lot of nostalgia and thus, this post :)

If I'm remembering the stat correctly, my dad has 26 first cousins on his dad's side, and three living siblings in addition to that [anyone wanna check my math?]. In case you're wondering, that makes for very large family reunions. Though many have moved away at one point or another, my dad and all his siblings, and several of his cousins ended up back in Fredonia, where I grew up, when they settled down and had kids.

What's so funny [ironic? sad? just a fact of life?] to me today is that many people whom I consider to be good friends have little to no idea about my crazy extended family and what a huge part of my life they are. Even as I write this, I can't talk about what being a "Conti" meant without first clarifying that Conti is my maiden name, because there are many who have never known me as anything but Michelle Tucker. Growing up and moving around is weird like that, isn't it? But that's another topic for another post. Today, I'm reminiscing about these amazing family members who are also some of my dearest friends.

To be a Conti in Fredonia was a thing. I'm the second oldest of 11 [soon to be 12!] grandchildren in my dad's family, currently ranging in age from 25 to 2 years old [or, fetus if you're counting the 12th :P]. The older seven of us were all within 5 grades of each other, and we went to the same school. Adding to the mix my second-cousins, I had at least one cousin in the four grades ahead of me, and the four grades below me, and three who graduated with me. If that isn't crazy enough for you, a good number of us also lived on the same road. As in, all of my neighbors were related to me.  A number of my aunts and uncles either taught or coached sports in the school district. One owns a health club downtown. My grandpa has been a farmer in town for most of his adult life. On several occasions people at school asked me to draw up a family tree so they could figure out exactly how I was related to this cousin or that teacher. When I introduced myself to somebody new, it was probable that once I said my last name there would be some recognition, for better or for worse. 

I've talked before about how my brother and I are pretty close, and how I being at Ashland together made me realize how abnormal that was, but even growing up I was never under any delusion that the situation with my extended family was "normal." While many of my friends only saw their cousins for holidays or special events, I saw mine all the time. We had our own friend groups and niches, but inevitably our activities and experiences were interwoven. Bus rides, choir, sports practices and rides home were most often shared with at least one cousin.  We sang in church and ate spaghetti at Nana's almost every Sunday. In the summers we did chores, had sleepovers, explored the creek, went to camp and had bonfires together.  When the younger cousins came along, they became our first babysitting victims charges. We weren't just family, we were friends, classmates, cheerleaders and, occasionally, adversaries. It wasn't normal, 

it wasn't perfect, but man was it fun :)

How do you transition from being so intertwined in the lives of this many to seeing them 2-3 times a year? Not easily. 6 seasons since I left Fredonia and I still hate that I can't watch Alissa's XC meet this weekend, despite how vividly I can remember the discomfort of being outside all day to watch her run in high school when there was 2 feet of snow on the ground. For all the hours and days I spent at soccer games or wrestling tournaments for the older boys, I hate that I may never get to see Sammy play for his high school team, or watch Jules march with the band. I especially hate that I can probably count on two hands the number of times I've seen Patrick since he's been born, and the same will probably be true for the new baby in her first 2 years. It may be normal for many people to only share in the accomplishments of their extended family from afar, but it still does not feel normal to me.

The grandchildren, plus spouses :)

I've loved the past 6 years since I graduated from high school, and I don't regret my choices to go away to college or the moves that followed. But I will never stop missing these dear people when I'm away from them, and I wouldn't want to. Missing them is hard, but I feel so incredibly blessed that I have so much to miss.

20,000 Words

1) From here. 2) From here. 3) From here. 4) From here. 5) From here. 6) From here. 7) From here. 8) From here. 9) From here. 10) From here. 11) From here. 12) From here. 13) From here. 14) From here. 15) From here. 16) From here. 17) From here. 18) From here. 19) From here. 20) From here.

Ashland

6 years ago today, I moved into the dorms at Ashland for the first time. I can remember how absolutely terrified I was as I prepared to meet my new roommate and say goodbye to my family. I also remember how quickly I realized that Lauren was pretty great, and I was going to be just fine.

Freshman year Religious Life Retreat

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I loved my years at AU. It was an incredible time of personal and spiritual growth for me. I [almost always] really enjoyed the courses I took, especially the classes in the Religion department. I found amazing friends and a wonderful faith community.

2010 Call Retreat at Mowana

The campus went through times of joy and sadness, and so did I. As is normal for a college student, life was often crazy and busy. Late nights of reading and paper-writing in between doing rounds in Clayton as an RA. Early mornings for class or giving tours for the Admissions' office on the weekends. 

Clayton Hall staff Fall 2010

For three and a half years I spent Thursday nights at the Well, had countless movie nights in the dorms, and braved the long Convo lines for brunch on the weekends. There was morning coffee or late night snacks in the Eagles' nest, homework in Lower Chapel, and playing piano in the practice rooms. I found friends and mentors, watched relationships begin, survived road trips and retreats, and learned how to nap.

Oh... and I met this guy. And then Tom came to Ashland as well. And he met a girl.

I guess you can say that AU was good to us :)

Stan the Man

If there are no dogs in Heaven then, when I die, I want to go where they went.
- Will Rogers

One year ago today, our little family went from 2 to 3. Yes, today we are celebrating one year since we adopted our dog, Stanley, a day that Drew and I have quite adorably dubbed our "Staniversary."

Last January, after many months, Drew finally begged  persuaded me to get a dog. We had looked online at some different rescues down here, but decided the Saturday after we got back from our holiday travels to check out a few adoption events that were happening in the county over. Three pet stores later, we met Stanley.

There were two other puppies in crates when we saw Stan, and while they were flipping out he was laying calmly in his crate. He was 5-6 months old at that point, and about 30 pounds. It didn't take long for his shiny black coat, adorably floppy ears and calm but curious demeanor to win us over. We filled out the paperwork, and with the blessing of his foster mom who we met that day, we took him home!

Drew was definitely the dog person in our relationship prior to this point, but Stanley turned me into a dog person. I mean, who could resist this cutie?? Owning a dog is not always fun or convenient, but this guy makes it so worth it. He's always good for a self-esteem boost when I'm wiped after work and he is so excited to see me come home. He's a great cuddler and good company when Drew is gone. And he helps keep my kitchen floors clean. Or, at least, without any crumbs :)

Stanley was found as a 8ish week old puppy wandering the streets, malnourished and alone. But thanks to the Johnston County Animal Protection League, and Stanley's wonderful foster mom, Sherry, he was taken off the street and brought into a home full of love. Sherry trained and socialized Stanley, and I'm so grateful to her for the wonderful job she did with him. We feel so happy to have found him, and I know that a big part of that is thanks to her :)

So, if you're thinking about getting a dog (or a cat for that matter!), PLEASE consider adopting through a rescue organization! There are so many animals in need of homes, and many organizations work tirelessly to give care for these creatures who desperately need someone to love them, and who desperately want someone to love back.

 So, as I finish typing this post and Stanley quite adorably rests his head on my arm, I am feeling very blessed and so grateful. Grateful that Drew convinced me to get a dog, grateful to Sherry for taking such good care of Stanley until we found him, and grateful for this silly and wonderful creature falling asleep against me, who has, in one short year, taught me so much about love and companionship. I'm happy to have you to love, Stan the Man, and so glad that you love us back.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. 
- Roger Caras

Confused Thankfulness [#2]

Praying tonight for those in the midst of Hurricane Sandy. [See this earlier blog post for some other thoughts about the hurricane]. I have a lot of family up North but fortunately they don't seem to be in any serious danger right now. I know this can change quickly, but for now I'm thankful. 

Thankful is something I've been feeling more often in the last week. My job situation is still not ideal, but Monday-Wednesday some opportunities presented themselves and things are looking up. Thursday night I had a great time with Drew & Duke Lutherans [more on that later]. 

Friday night I babysat a couple adorable little girls so a Div. student couple could get a night out. I was happy to help them, but in the end I know I got the best end of that deal. Reading on the couch with a two and four year old curled up on either side, and then listening to them sing each other nursery rhymes when I [unsuccessfully] tried to get them to go to sleep. Yep, I was definitely thankful for that.

 Saturday we did some much needed cleaning before going to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Great food, got to catch up with friends, and OSU won. All things to be thankful for.

Sunday I slept in [reallllly late] which I haven't been able to do in a long time. Simple thing to be thankful for, but thankful nonetheless.

But, to return to a previous thought, it's Duke Lutherans that have been a big reason for this thankfulness. Thursday night we had a pumpkin carving party outside at St. Paul's new fire pit. It was a beautiful 70+ degree day, and I got to build the fire, so I was a happy girl. But those silly things aside, it's our students that bring me to this place of appreciation. It's such a joy to work with these people in this exciting and tumultuous time of their lives. And it's a joy to see Drew as he steps further into his call to work with them. The last three months have changed some of our plans, and for brief moments made us question what we were getting ourselves into with this whole "work in the church" thing. But those doubts can't last long when we're with these kids. They're the reason we're doing this. They're the call.

Drew summed it up nicely in his facebook status that night:

At some point during Sacred Space, the weekly small group event for Duke Lutherans, for the first time in a while I simply stopped and looked at our group. A few fully funded graduate students carving pumpkins along with a couple of NCAA Division 1 scholarship athletes. The leader of Antic Shakespeare enjoying the fire with the social chair of a sorority and museum curator to be. A PreMed Religion Major and an undeclared musician leading the charge for comedic relief and the first sloth/gourd fusion known to humankind. Others of us - fraternity brothers & coxswains, theologians & biologists, and many more unnamed - joined us in spirit. And I thought to myself, quite literally, "My God, what a wonderfully eccentric group," quickly followed by "My God, Thank you for this group, each of these people, this church which you entrust to me, with which you bless me, in which you show me your love and purpose for the world." Each of them - each of you - bless me, bring me life and light through Jesus, who binds us all together in our eccentricity.

[Now someone just has to tell us how we're supposed to say goodbye to these guys in May...]

So many books

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.”
  - C.S. Lewis

 I love reading.

I used to be quite the reading fiend. As a child I always had a book with me. I would get in trouble for staying up too late reading in my room, or for trying to read during church. And I read super fast, which sometimes led people to believe I was skipping pages. I wasn't. They were just jealous :P

I think I love reading for the same reason I love TV/movies. I love getting caught up in a good story, getting lost in a world that someone else created, getting attached to characters who are well-developed. I'll be honest, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I like a good love-interest storyline in any kind of story.

Once you get into higher education, it's sometimes difficult to read for pleasure. That was definitely true for me. The end of my high school and the duration of my college careers included a lot of reading, but not of my own choosing. In the past year, though, the practice has been coming back to me, and I'm pretty excited about it. I got a Durham County library card earlier in the summer, and Drew bought me a tablet/e-reader for my birthday, so now there's no stopping me. Last night I stayed up way too late finishing a book. Part of me regretted it this morning when my alarm went off, but it was totally worth it.

Some of my reading list for 2012 (not necessarily in order):
- I had never read the Harry Potter books as a kid, so I read the whole series in January/February of this year. They were phenomenal. J.K. Rowling did such a great job creating that world and those characters in a consistent and holistic manner. Really enjoyed them, so much so that I re-read them during the summer :P
- The Hunger Games series I finished in a weekend (before the first movie came out). Loved the first book, the second two were less great, but as a whole I still really enjoyed the series.
- Had to get some classics in there so I re-read Pride and Prejudice, and read for the first time Mansfield Park.
- A friend gave me Pamela Aidan's Darcy Trilogy. Aidan is a librarian and Austen lover, and she wrote these three books from the perspective of Pride & Prejudice's Fitzwilliam Darcy. They were also fantastic. True to the details that Austen provides, but creates a whole new world and side of that love story. If you like P&P, you should definitely check them out.
- I read Shadow & Bone by Leigh Bardugo after seeing news that the producer of the Harry Potter movies was going to produce this movie as well. I liked it. It was well-written, nothing spectacular but enjoyable. Of course, I'd forgotten how lame it is to read series as they are being written, because then you have to wait forever for the next one. It's much nicer to read the series after they're all released. But alas, I guess I'll wait.
- The Matched Trilogy. Fortunately, the first two books in this series are already released, and the third will be out next month, so not as much waiting ;) Also a cool read. Dystopian future big-brotherish setting. Girl starts questioning. Love triangle. Predictable, maybe, but I'm easy to please.
- I Am Number Four and following books. They made a movie out of the first book last year sometime, which I enjoyed, and I saw the books at the library website so I decided to read them. Drew's turned me into a bit of a sci-fi nerd, and this series is about aliens, but it's a cool story. I'm currently waiting to read the third one, but someone's not returning it to the library. Jerks.
- And the book I finished last night: Throne of Glass. Found this randomly on Amazon and after reading some reviews decided to buy it with some birthday Amazon money. According to the author's website, this was her inspiration for the book: “What if Cinderella was an assassin, and went to the ball not to dance with the prince, but to kill him?” That was intriguing enough for me, and I thought it was great. I'm hoping it becomes a series. And soon.

That's all I can recall right now. Going to try to stop myself from finding anything new for the rest of the week so my house will get cleaned and I can get some sleep. But, for next week, any suggestions for more books?

And suddenly... bagpipes!

Weekends are too short.
Especially weekends with family.

In case you missed my super excited post about home a couple weeks ago, this past weekend Drew, Stanley and I made the [10-hour] trek up to western NY for my cousin's wedding. This officially ended Wedding Season 2012 for us. Between May and October we were invited to 7 weddings in 4 different states. Drew made it to four, I made it to five. It was crazy busy, but I loved it. It's so wonderful to be able to celebrate with people we love.

Thursday after work, we packed up our car and drove North. We got in after midnight, but Dad waited up for us, so we chatted with him for awhile. We finally crawled into bed around 2 a.m., but sleep was short lived, as both my body and Stanley woke up about 7:30 a.m. when we normally do, ready for the day. It was ok, though, because I wanted to soak up every minute I had. The trees had just started to turn, the grapes were ripe on the vine, it was sweatpants weather... pretty much perfection.

Later we walked down the farm and visited with Nana & Nano, took my dad out to lunch for his birthday, and took a 4-wheleer ride through some of the back property that Drew hadn't seen before. It was cool to have Dad play the tour-guide and tell us more about the family land.

Then it was spaghetti time! Weekly spaghetti with the family is one of the things I miss most about my childhood, so it's something I try to arrange every time we make it home. Friday did not disappoint :) We had over 30 people stuffed in our house, eating, laughing, and catching up. Plus we watched Avengers after dinner. What could be better than that? After everyone left I again stayed up way too late chatting with Tom and Caitlin about life, school, and wedding plans. Their wedding is set for the end of July, and I absolutely cannot wait.

Saturday, after some morning shoe shopping with my mom, we all headed up to Buffalo for the wedding. Though there was some stress/frustration about organization (or lack thereof) by the venue, it all worked out in the end.  I hadn't gotten to spend a ton of time with Angela during her engagement, but before the ceremony Jess, Alissa and I got to steal a minute alone with her in the bride room to snap a picture and pray together.

The room for the ceremony/reception was gorgeous, and the ceremony was beautiful. Once the couple had been announced and the first kiss was over, we heard... bagpipes? Yes, indeed. A kilted man playing bagpipes was walking in the door. Apparently the groom loves bagpipes and has always wanted bagpipes played for him, so Angela and her mom surprised him by hiring someone to play them for the recessional. It was pretty sweet :)

Then... it was party time :) The food was great, the bar was open, and the dance floor was packed. This is the only point of the weekend I actually took pictures, so here are a few.

Me & my handsome husband.

We clean up nice :)

All 6 of us!

My girls <3

 Grandkids +

 

Me & the Bride!

Unfortunately the night had to end. We drove back to Fredonia, ate some pizza and played Dutch Blitz with Tom & Cait, and then went to bed. Sunday was lost in the 10-hour drive back, but the weekend was definitely worth it. It's always sad to leave, but it was nice to get back to Durham and know that, though we had just left one home, we had returned to another one.

Blessed

My life is not perfect. It's full of struggle and sin.
But sometimes, even in the middle of that strife,
I am struck by how incredibly blessed I am.

This is my little cousin, Grace. Yesterday was her 6th birthday. I held Gracie in the hospital the day after she was born, and like her older siblings I've been blessed to watch her grow up. I cannot wait to see this dear one [and all the rest of my cousins!] in just a few days time.

 

This is our nephew! Baby Tucker was born yesterday afternoon, weighing in at 7 lbs and 20 inches long. No name as of yet, but Mom and Baby are healthy, and we are so incredibly thankful :) Unfortunately we have to wait until Thanksgiving to meet this little guy, but we're grateful for cameras and the internet so we can get our fill of this boy in the meantime!

The students who make up Duke Lutherans are a steady source of joy for Drew and me. Working with these incredibly gifted people as they are growing and discovering what they want their lives to be is such a gift. And they're pretty fun ;) In the last couple weeks two of our students have written two very different but amazing articles that you should totally read. "What the Disney Princesses Got Right: College Edition" is hilarious and full of some good advice. "Remembering Lessons of Cancer" is thoughtful and convicting. I encourage you to check both of them out, and then be jealous of the cool people that Drew and I get to live amongst here in Durham :)

Just 2.5 more days of work, and then NY bound.
Lord, give me strength.