Ouch.

Despite the long weekend and thus short work week,
the past few days have not been the greatest for me.
My back decided that it'd been too long since it made a fuss,
and apparently Sunday night seemed like a perfectly good time to start.

Ugh.

For those of you who don't know, I have scoliosis, which is a fancy way of saying that my spine is curved. I've known about it since I was eight, wore a back brace in middle school/high school to try to curb the progression, and then, when that didn't work, I had surgery to correct the curve in June 2009. It was an intense procedure. I was on the table for 9 hours, in the hospital for a week, and laid up for much of the summer recovering.

[before, my curve was about 85 degrees]

 [after, curve reduced to about 35 degrees] 

[side view, just because it's crazy] 

Although what I'm experiencing now is not the worst pain I've been in [the year after surgery had some pretty low points, but the pain I was in before surgery was even worse than that], to be honest I've been dealing with it a lot less gracefully than I have previously. I think it's been so long since I've struggled like this that I lost some of my tolerance for it. Monday night/Tuesday were definitely the worst. I was so frustrated with the lack of relief that every action seemed like a chore. Fortunately, Drew seems to have been given an extra helping of patience this week, which is nice because I wouldn't have blamed him for taking me by the shoulders and shaking me. While I hoped relief would come when I woke up this morning, it did not. Part of me wanted to scream, but it seems a bigger part of me has found some resolve and reminded me that I'm capable of pushing through this until it passes.

And so, I press on. And as this pain reminds me of what I have already survived, it also reminds me of how faithful God has been through that journey, and the things He has taught me. The biggest lesson I had to learn? Humility. Not much else you can do when you can't even get out of bed without someone's help, let alone feed or dress yourself. I was reminded of it again this morning, when I had to ask Drew to brush my hair for me. My parents, Drew, and friends and family have stepped up in a bit way. It's a difficult pill to swallow; I much prefer helping to being helped. But at the same time, I'd never felt more loved, and it is such a beautiful illustration of the way God loves me, too.

I would never wish pain on anyone. 

I also don't believe that God desires for His people to suffer.

But, pain happens. 

And what I do believe is that God works in the pain for the good of those He loves.

[this is a video a friend at Ashland made a few years ago,

where i tell a specific story about my recovery,

and a place where God taught me something.

watch if you have a minute.]