where we've been, where we're going.

 It's been almost two years since I started this blog. I will be the very first to say that it hasn't been very consistent in regards to time between updates or content or... anything. I started it mostly as a way to update friends and family about our whereabouts/plans without resorting to obnoxiously long Facebook posts.

I hope I'll continue to blog [and get better at it, too] in the future, as I enjoy writing and sharing things on this kind of platform. But today as I'm enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon and writing my first real post since March [oops], I'm thinking about the past. More specifically, about the journey of the last two years of our lives and Drew's ordination process, and the end that is in sight for this particular time in our lives.

Two years ago I wrote about a significant change in our plans that included moving to South Carolina and bringing ordination a year closer.  I wrote about my thankfulness for our community, even as I wrote about home and missing my family. We finished our time in Durham, saying goodbye to that place and those fabulous people as we said hello to a new state, new school and a new community.

Our first five months in Columbia included me working in 4 different offices and Drew being approved for ordination. February brought snow, but more importantly, regional and synodical assignment, and thus finding out where God and the Church was calling us to serve.

And now, it's August again, and that "inevitably sweltering summer day" of packing a truck that seemed so far away in February is on the immediate horizon, because the whole first-call thing that we've been talking about for so long is no longer a thing of the future, but a thing of the present.

Post by Drew Tucker.

So, we are packing for our third move in three years and are incredibly excited about the new place and people we have been called to. And though we're reaching one finish line, there are many new adventures beginning as we become first time home owners [yikes!] in addition to starting full-time ministry at a new church and on a new college campus. You know. Nbd.

[x]

And so, we pray.

This time last week we were counting down the hours until we would receive our regional assignment. Drew was in Texas when he got the call, and I was at work, so this is how I found out:

So that's it, folks. Looks like the Tuckers are gonna be southerners for a few more years :)

And with that question answered, there are a million more to ask. But last night we gathered with Drew's fellow seniors and worshipped and prayed together as we marked this important step in a process which, though at times has seemed never-ending, is in fact drawing to a close. And it was another beautiful reminder of this fantastic community that we have found ourselves so graciously welcomed into this year.  I can so vividly remember the anxiety that plagued me when our plans suddenly changed to include a year here in Columbia, but I am so grateful for the time we've had here.

And so, with that unnecessary but at the same time very necessary reminder that God is in fact taking care of us in every way, it's incredibly exciting to pray for Drew and his classmates, and to dream about the months to come and everything they will bring.

So, go ahead of us, Lord, as winter turns into spring, as midterms turn into finals, as the to-do lists are marked off and syllabi are completed. Because despite how much is still left to be done, this semester will end and a new adventure awaits.

Give us patience, Spirit, when we would rather wish away the days and weeks, ready to be done with everything that comes with being a student. Because education, let alone an advanced degree, is a privilege denied to many, and there will not often be the opportunity to learn at this level once this time is over.

Watch over us, Father, in conversations with Bishops and Synod Offices, in phone calls with call committees, in the nerves that come with interviews and the uncertainty in decision making. Because the process can be stressful, the responsibility daunting, and on our own we can't possibly hope to know what to do.

Thank you, God, for synod staff who look out for us, for families and friends praying for us, for peers who can celebrate and commiserate with us. Because it is within the Body of Christ that we see, hear and know You in new and exciting ways.

Be with us always, Jesus, and especially now. As we close this chapter and begin a new one. In the final all-nighters of studying and days in the classroom. In shared meals and time with friends that have become dear. As paperwork is distributed and calls are extended. As boxes are packed and moving trucks rented. As we say goodbye to this place, and hello to something new.

For peace when there is anxiety, focus when things just need to get done, wisdom in conversation, discernment in the process, joy in the moment, love in community, and a cool breeze on the inevitably sweltering summer day when we once again pack our life into a truck trailer and drive away, we pray.

And You hear our prayer.

Seven

Coming to the end of my second snow day of 2014.
And I have another one tomorrow.
Yep. Snow day. From work. In South Carolina.

The world is a crazy place.

The blog has once again been forsaken the past month due to life happening outside of the world wide web. But two snow days in a row means I have some free time! So, since I'm sure you're wondering what's been on my mind for the past month, it's mostly been this:

Regional Assignment is in 7 days. 7 DAYS PEOPLE!

The beginning of the end. It seems like we've been waiting forever for this ordination process to come to completion, but now that the end is upon us, it's almost startling.  Regional assignment first, then we'll get a synod placement, and then (Lord willing) at some point this summer, we'll find a call and Drew will be ordained.

Ordination

Ok, probably [hopefully] not, but it's still funny :P

In light of this impending [life-altering yet completely out of our control] decision, we've been thinking a lot about where we'll be in 6 months. It seems that our two most likely options are either back in Ohio, or in the Carolinas. In general, we've been pretty back and forth about where we would like to end up. Ohio would mean being closer to both our families. But, we have fallen in love with the Carolinas. Plus, the temperatures in Ohio the past month have been consistently in the negatives. Which is gross. So this is definitely not a time of the year that I want to think about being back up there. But alas, it is not up to us. And we are excited for whatever comes wherever we end up being assigned.

So, yeah. 7 days.

Not freaking out. Not freaking out. Maybe freaking out a little.

This and that, and other things as well

Sometimes I get into these phases where I'm motivated to write/create and share said creations with the internet.

Other times I suddenly feel like I have nothing to say and don't want to share anything with anybody, so I start a bunch of things and never finish them.

Such was the latter half of 2013 on this blog.

But today is a slow day at work, I have a bunch of thoughts swimming around in my head, and just enough motivation to put some words together. Huzzah!

Because... well why not?

Let's start with summing up 2013:

- Part of my hiatus from blogging is because I changed jobs in November! I've been working through a temp agency here in Columbia since I moved here over the summer, and in November my "temp-to-hire" position at the law office turned into "unfortunately, just a temp" position. So two weeks before Thanksgiving, I was suddenly job searching again. Super fun, let me tell you. But, God is good, as is my temp agency, and I was unemployed only 2 days before accepting a new position where I have been working ever since! Thus, I went from being a receptionist at a law firm, where I mostly did nothing for most of the time, to working customer service for a retail company during the busiest shopping month of the year. 

And now, a PSA from a Customer Service representative:

As I have just survived my first holiday season as a retail customer service person, I would like to share with you an observation that isn't very profound but that everyone should understand:

 Most companies are not Amazon/Apple/giant corporations with unlimited resources and employees: 

Support small businesses! It's great! But understand that being a small business means that they don't necessarily have 24-hour customer service, or hundreds of employees filling orders, or the ability to get you what you want the day after you order it. And yelling at whoever answers the 800 number you found on their website won't change that. In addition, said person on the Customer Service line probably had nothing to do with whatever mistake was made on your order, nor do they have any control over the Postal Service/UPS. Just so you know.

I feel you, Michel. I feel you.

But seriously, I'm really enjoying my new job. The office is full of fabulous people, I do enjoy being busy and learning new things, and many of the customers I talk to are very nice. Plus (shameless plug) some of the stuff they sell is super cute. Check it out.

- Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were spent with family. So many loved ones, never enough time, but it was such a blessing to get to see everyone. Especially our dear little ones.

And now, it's 2014:

- This is the year folks. This year, Drew finishes school [for now] and [if everything goes according to plan] will be ordained. The qualifiers are simply because the Lord likes to laugh at our plans, and saying anything definitively makes me nervous ;) But seriously, it's happening. All these things we've been talking about for the past 4+ years are finally coming to fruition. Drew has been approved, the draft for our regional placement will happen next month, synod assignment will happen after that, and in a few months time, Drew should be interviewing at churches. And then this will be our life.

THE FIRST THING ANYONE EVER SAYS 
TO A TWENTY-SOMETHING PASTOR

- Lastly, today is our 2nd Staniversary. Yep, we're pathetic adorable.
But seriously, this guy.

Today, as we celebrate having this cutie in our family for 2 years, I am once again thankful for the wonderful people who found him as a puppy and cared for him until we adopted him. And I'm grateful for the people all over the country who have stepped up this week to find shelter for strays in the places that are experiencing such terrible weather.


There it is. The blog has made it to a new year. Happy 2014, y'all :)

Marvel and Frozen crossover. For reasons.
From here.

A New Chapter

After a quick weekend up in Durham, Stan the Man and I are back in our new apartment in Columbia, this time for good. Well, mostly. We have a few trips planned this summer (for baby nephew's baptism and Brother Bear's WEDDING!), and I will be back in Durham for Drew's final Sunday at St. Paul's, but just for a weekend. In the grand scheme of things, I live in South Carolina now.

Woot.

Drew is still living in Durham finishing his internship through the end of July, which means I am living in SC alone. Well, technically with Stan, but he's not much of a conversationalist.  And Drew is going to be pretty swamped, especially in the next two weeks, working at a camp at Duke, so he will not be available to chat very often. I'll be busy working (a temp job), looking for full-time work, and unpacking, but let's be honest, I'm going to be lonely. So I would like to apologize in advance for the probable excessive use of social media over the next month. I'm just pretty confident it's going to happen, so sorry if that's super annoying to you.

Drew's journey here will start with classes in August, but I am here looking for a job and trying to get the apartment unpacked and learn a new city. I'd appreciate your prayers as we enter this new chapter of our lives! A few requests in particular would be:

- That I find a job (that I like) quickly! I am mostly looking at office type jobs right now because that is what my experience is in, but I'm open to a change as well!

- That I find a community of friends: I'll probably be checking out a church this Sunday, and there are some people living on campus here. Fortunately, Stan is very friendly and a great ice-breaker when I see people walking around but am feeling shy :P

- For Drew: that the camp at Duke will go well, that the remainder of his time at St. Paul's would continue to be a good experience, and that his transition out of Durham and into Columbia would go smoothly.

- For silly things: like that I would be focused and productive at home so I can get this place unpacked; that I won't find any more cockroaches while unpacking (yes, welcome to the South); that the incredibly sketchy wireless network here would be... less sketchy, I guess, because I really like having Pandora or Netflix on when I'm here by myself and right now that is just not happening; and that I can finally get my TomTom to update it's maps, because a GPS is the only way I'm going to be able to get anywhere down here.

Thanks in advance for your prayers :) I will post some pictures of the new place once it is more presentable!


Also, some good advice for your life:

That week in Chicago

So much life has happened in the last month. I've started several posts at different times to update y'all on our life and what is happening, but they always fell by the wayside.

And now, as I sit in our very messy, 1/4 unpacked apartment in Columbia, I'm still not going to explain what's happening with us. Not today.

What brings me back to the blogging world this morning is that, four years ago today, I was having reconstructive back surgery at Northwestern University Hospital in Chicago.

I've made mention of this anniversary the last couple years on Facebook. But when I woke up this morning and realized the date, I wondered about whether I should say anything about it; whether recalling attention to that time is relevant, or necessary, or worth the time. Let's be honest, my back has had enough attention to last a lifetime.

But when I recall that week of hospitalization in 2009, it's not the surgery I think about. It's not the pain and the struggle that I dwell on. The shining memory from those seven days, and the days of my recovery that followed, is how incredibly loved I felt by those who cared for me.

My surgery and subsequent recovery was the most humbling (read: often humiliating) time of my entire life. I was literally unable to do anything by myself. I needed help just to get out of bed, let alone walk, eat, clean/dress myself, etc. I hate to ask people for help, but I quickly had to swallow my pride and allow my caretakers to inconvenience themselves for me. To wake up throughout the night to help me move, to raise my spirits with conversation and laughter, to sleep in hospital waiting rooms, to track down nurses when I needed something, to help me eat just to deal with the sickness that followed, to sit by me as I cried and pay attention to the doctors when I couldn't focus because of the pain killers.  Most of all, to do all these things and more without ever making me feel embarrassed or like a burden.

So, on this anniversary, I want to say thank you to my parents, Drew, and Josiah. I don't know what you think about when you remember that week, but for the rest of my life, June 12th will be a day that I remember each of you with overwhelming gratitude.

May 2

There is good reason to be terrified about today. May 2 means I have 6.5 days to finish packing up my apartment, because in 10.5 days there will be a moving truck to fill and drive down to Columbia. There are also many reasons to be excited about today. May 2 means that tonight I get to see RelientK LIVE for the first time ever. Tomorrow is Friday, and we're having a birthday party for Drew in the evening. Probably seeing Iron Man 3 at some point this weekend (because... duh. Marvel). Monday is Drew's birthday! And then one week from today I'll be flying to NY and then spending the weekend celebrating Tom's graduation and his and Cait's pending nuptials. All those aside, though, I'm mostly excited about today because it marks 5 years since Drew asked me to be his girlfriend, and 4 years since he asked me to be his wife :)

Right before we started dating...

Engagement :)

Married!

October 2012

The past 5 years have brought us through graduations, surgery, new jobs, many miles on the interstate system, a dozen+ weddings, one great 4-legged addition to our family, many laughs and many sorrows. Now as we're about to move and start a new adventure, I can't wait to see what the next 5 years will bring :)

Rolling with the punches

I had hoped to get back into blogging when we got back from Mexico, but of course life started up again and life is crazy and here we finally are, 2+ weeks later. I do intend to blog a bit about our trip and experience there, but first I wanted to give y'all an update on what's going on in our lives.

You may remember way back in the fall I posted about some changes to our plan in regards to life and ministry and Drew's schooling. Well, life and the Lord are keeping us on our toes, and our schedule for the summer has once again changed. Our apartment lease is up in May and for a number of reasons we cannot extend it through the summer, so we will be packing up our apartment and moving our possessions down to Columbia, South Carolina (where Drew will be going to school in the fall) the second week of May. I am currently in the process of searching for jobs down there, and will plan to relocate once I find one. Drew, however, is obligated to be in Durham until August. Thankfully, we are blessed with friends who have agreed to host him/us for the summer months, so we will not be sleeping in a tent.

While figuring all this out has caused us a bit of stress over the last few weeks, I know we have much to be grateful for. We had no trouble getting into an apartment on campus, despite it being earlier than we had originally planned. Plus, the apartments are nice and affordable and literally right on campus, so that will be very convenient. Also, my awesome husband was fortunate enough to be hired for Duke Youth Academy in June. DYA is a two-week program for high school students sponsored by the Divinity School here. Drew will be part of the staff which includes living on campus with the students and being a leader/teacher. The extra income will be a huge blessing, but moreover it will be a great experience for him and I couldn't be more proud.

So along with the beautiful weather April will [hopefully] bring, it will also bring boxes and packing, resumes and interviews, and a lot of goodbyes that I am not looking forward to. We would so appreciate your prayers as we wrap things up with our students at Duke, as we pack and move, and as I start the job application process.

Stan the Man

If there are no dogs in Heaven then, when I die, I want to go where they went.
- Will Rogers

One year ago today, our little family went from 2 to 3. Yes, today we are celebrating one year since we adopted our dog, Stanley, a day that Drew and I have quite adorably dubbed our "Staniversary."

Last January, after many months, Drew finally begged  persuaded me to get a dog. We had looked online at some different rescues down here, but decided the Saturday after we got back from our holiday travels to check out a few adoption events that were happening in the county over. Three pet stores later, we met Stanley.

There were two other puppies in crates when we saw Stan, and while they were flipping out he was laying calmly in his crate. He was 5-6 months old at that point, and about 30 pounds. It didn't take long for his shiny black coat, adorably floppy ears and calm but curious demeanor to win us over. We filled out the paperwork, and with the blessing of his foster mom who we met that day, we took him home!

Drew was definitely the dog person in our relationship prior to this point, but Stanley turned me into a dog person. I mean, who could resist this cutie?? Owning a dog is not always fun or convenient, but this guy makes it so worth it. He's always good for a self-esteem boost when I'm wiped after work and he is so excited to see me come home. He's a great cuddler and good company when Drew is gone. And he helps keep my kitchen floors clean. Or, at least, without any crumbs :)

Stanley was found as a 8ish week old puppy wandering the streets, malnourished and alone. But thanks to the Johnston County Animal Protection League, and Stanley's wonderful foster mom, Sherry, he was taken off the street and brought into a home full of love. Sherry trained and socialized Stanley, and I'm so grateful to her for the wonderful job she did with him. We feel so happy to have found him, and I know that a big part of that is thanks to her :)

So, if you're thinking about getting a dog (or a cat for that matter!), PLEASE consider adopting through a rescue organization! There are so many animals in need of homes, and many organizations work tirelessly to give care for these creatures who desperately need someone to love them, and who desperately want someone to love back.

 So, as I finish typing this post and Stanley quite adorably rests his head on my arm, I am feeling very blessed and so grateful. Grateful that Drew convinced me to get a dog, grateful to Sherry for taking such good care of Stanley until we found him, and grateful for this silly and wonderful creature falling asleep against me, who has, in one short year, taught me so much about love and companionship. I'm happy to have you to love, Stan the Man, and so glad that you love us back.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. 
- Roger Caras

Two years.

"Because love, at its most beautiful and sacred, can be brutally unromantic. It's about sacrifice, commitment and friendship. People don't really fall in love as much as they work their way there." [from here]

It's been a long time since I last wrote. December is crazy, especially when you work in the church (or two). And I haven't really known what to say. But today is our two year wedding anniversary, and it seems like there should be something said about that.

I can't say that these two years have been perfect. Adventurous, busy, full of change, and exciting, yes. But not perfect. To be honest I've made many mistakes that I wish I could take back. But marriage isn't about perfection. If it was, no one would be married. No, it seems to me that marriage is concomitantly beautiful and challenging because it requires you to love another person better than yourself, to care about the needs and desires of another person as much as your own, to identify and admit your own flaws because of their affect on the person you hold most dear. Our partner, or rather, our desire to love our partner well, can motivate us to make these changes and become better people. But this process is terribly challenging, because we (or, at least, I) can be very self-centered beings, and these changes are not at all easy.

In the past two years I have moved across state lines and fallen in love with a new city. We made dinners without a kitchen and washed dishes in the bathtub. I graduated from college and found a job.  I cheered Drew on as he got a new job and finished his M.Div. We've made wonderful friends and have gone to a lot of weddings. We adopted a dog and learned to love even more. We have shared successes and failures. We have had great times and some not-so-great times. I can see my growth in some areas, and see where I have a lot more work to do in others.

But these two years are gone, and I can't wish them back. What I can do is press on. Marriage is the most challenging commitment I have ever made, and it is only with God's grace that I can hope to do it well, and believe that in two more years I will have made some more progress. Not for the sake of "success" in the world's eyes, but because I love my husband, and I would hope that in two more years I would have learned to love him better.

So, my love, here's to you. For putting up with me and my crazy, confusing, and often selfish ways. For helping me to be brave and believing in me when I'm unsure of myself. For encouraging me to try new things. For sharing your family with me and for loving mine. For the impromptu gifts, late night waffle dates, and for killing spiders for me. You may be the most challenging commitment I ever made, but you're also the best one. Two years behind us, forever in front of us.

Happy Anniversary :)

Waiting Expectantly

11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. - Jeremiah 29:11-12

 14 The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. 15 In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David; and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. 16 In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: "The Lord is our righteousness."
- Jeremiah 33:14-16

It's been a busy week since we got back from our Thanksgiving in Colorado. One of those weeks where I drove to the church a two nights after I got off of work so I could see my husband for 15 minutes before he went into a meeting. Where the dishes didn't get done for awhile, and we ate out a couple of times. But our Sundays are generally about the same: we get home from church, Drew falls asleep on the couch watching football, I fool around on my computer while kind of watching football, and Stan paces around wishing we were more exciting :P It's a ritual that I enjoy.

Now it's December, and Advent has started. Advent is the start of a new church year. It is a time of expectation and hope.  We read the prophecies foretelling Jesus' birth, we light the candles, we remember this crazy thing that God did those many years ago.

It's kind of funny to me that every year we go through this practice of "waiting expectantly." We wait in assurance that God will be faithful and honor the promise that He has made to us.  It's funny, because you'd think after all this practice we would be better at doing it in real life. But let's be honest, it's easy to wait expectantly for something we know has already happened. We begin each Advent knowing what the outcome is: the Messiah.

When it's our own lives, though, waiting is not a strength of ours. We are impatient people bred in a culture of instant gratification. We get upset when our internet page takes more than 5 seconds to load, when we can't get something shipped in two days, or when the McDonalds' worker asks us to pull our car up to wait for our order. And that's just the small stuff. What about when we're waiting to hear back about that dream job we interviewed for? Or waiting to meet that special someone? When we're waiting for medical test results, or about a scholarship to our first-choice school, waiting expectantly is not what we want to do. We want God to give us whatever outcome we desire, and the sooner the better.

When Jeremiah was prophesying, it was in the darkest of times. The temple had been destroyed. The people were taken off into captivity. The majority of Jeremiah's writings are full of grief and loss. Yet, Jeremiah still spoke of God's promises. He reiterates that God's plans are good and that they will come to fruition. Even as the world around him was burning, Jeremiah waited expectantly for the righteousness of his Lord.

The timing of this post and of these reflections of mine are not coincidental. My Aunt Lori will be having surgery tomorrow morning in Buffalo to remove a tumor from her brain. From what I know, the tumor is in a good location and the surgery is expected to go well, but of course we're all worried and anxious for the ordeal to be over with. Also, Drew's grandfather is in the hospital right now with some heart complications, and we are not sure what that means or what's going to happen next for him. And there are many other people in the midst of this Advent season who are grieving due to sickness or death in their families, because of lost jobs,  separation from family members, because of homes destroyed by natural disasters, or ravaged by war.

So what is there to say to myself and my family as we pray for Lori tomorrow, to Drew and his parents as they worry about Grandpa Dale, and to everyone touched by fear and sadness at the beginning of this most joyous season of Advent? Remember Jeremiah. Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. Jeremiah, who complains and lashes out in despair as he watches the place where his people encounter God toppling over, and his countrymen taken away from their promised land. Jeremiah, who would not see the righteousness he prophesied about in his lifetime, but spoke the Word of the Lord for the generations to follow. Jeremiah, who knew, though all seemed lost, that God was still good. Jeremiah, who waited expectantly for the promise that we have already received: Immanuel, God with us.

21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.
- Lamentations 3:21-25

Confused Thankfulness [#3]

It's 1:19 a.m., so I can officially say Happy Thanksgiving to y'all.

Last year when I was up this late (or, early, rather) on Thanksgiving it was because we were getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving dinner. This year I'm not cooking anything, and I'm pretty ok with it ;)

No, this year we are traveling for Thanksgiving. In a few short hours we will drive to the airport and get on a plane to Colorado to spend the holiday weekend with Drew's parents, our sister-in-law and her family, and finally meet our nephew, Benjamin.

One of my favorite pics of the little guy so far :)

The traveling will be crazy for sure, but I'm excited to spend a few days with Drew where neither of us have work expectations, to see family we don't get to spend time with often, and to get as much of this precious boy as possible.

We're leaving for the airport at like 3:30 a.m., so I decided to just stay up and keep busy in hopes that once we get on the plane, I'll be so exhausted that I can't help but fall asleep, no matter how uncomfortable I may be. Drew decided to go to bed a couple hours ago, so I've been enjoying some introvert time, cleaning, packing, and putting up the Christmas tree.

[blurry pic of the tree from Photobooth]

I've been thinking some about growing up. My brother and his fiancee are spending Thanksgiving in NY with my family, and she tweeted earlier about it being her first holiday away from home. I realized as I responded with support to her, that this is my 6th [major] holiday from home. I was a bit taken aback by that. I can't believe how quickly these last few years have gone. That first holiday away is such a big thing. Now it's a fact of life. It's not any easier to know what I'm missing by not being in my childhood home surrounded by the family who raised me. I'm still looking forward to the next time I'll be in that place with those people, and in the years to come I will always hope that we can spend these particularly special days of the year with them.

But, I find myself torn this Thanksgiving. Torn between all the different places I want to be. I want  to be in Fredonia, playing Dutch Blitz with Tom and Cait, helping my Mom get the house ready for dinner tomorrow, seeing all my cousins and eating way too much of Nana's stuffing. But I also want to be in Colorado, meeting my nephew and spending time with Drew's parents and Michelle and her family. And I want to be in Ohio, with the rest of Drew's family and Matt and Karen and our godsons. And, truth be told, I want to be in Durham, spending a few days at our home without having to worry about work, cuddling with Stanley and making dinner for our friends and students who are staying behind this weekend.

I've lamented before about how it's hard growing up and having work and other responsibilities keep you from the things you want to do and the people you want to see. It's been hard for me, a person raised with so much family so close to me, to live this far away. But, I think tonight, I'm realizing that it's hard growing up because, as you grow, so does your capacity to love. And the more you love, the more there is to miss.

So to all my family and dear friends, I wish a very Happy Thanksgiving. For those I will not see this holiday, I miss you terribly, but I'm thankful that I have you to miss.

Just to say something

It's been over a week since I blogged asking y'all to pray for me about a job situation. For the reasons surrounding that post and otherwise, much of last week wasn't great. I thought about blogging a couple times, but I had no idea what to write about, so I didn't. I'm not sure I have much to write about today, but sometimes you just need to say something, you know?

I would still covet your prayers over my job stuff. With Drew's encouragement, I did give notice to my boss, saying that I would not work past Christmas. It was hard, and I'm still nervous about finding something else, but I know it is what's best for my health and sanity, and I'm grateful that Drew helped me feel ok about that. We've been really blessed to find out that we'll be receiving some financial support from one of our churches in the near future, so I'm thankful that God is providing in that way as I continue to search for a way to make some more money for us.

Despite the less than stellar week, the weekend was fun because our [newly engaged] friends from Ashland, Cameron and Sara, came for a visit! The timing could not have been better as Durham graced us with a beautiful 70 degree weekend. It was so nice to catch up and visit with them, especially at such an exciting time in their lives!

Monday I worked both jobs and got home just in time to see Drew off to a dinner meeting. Rather than mope around by myself, I corralled my little bro and talked my parents through getting google plus so that we could all do a google hangout. Best. Idea. Ever.

Dad, Mom, and [really old] Chip the Dog

Tom discovered the Effects App

 

 

 Arrrrr!

Tom has a cake, and I have a party hat.

It was pretty great. Since Drew and I are heading to Colorado for Thanksgiving, I won't get to see my family again until New Years', so I'm very grateful to Google for developing such cool software, even if we are letting them take over the world.

So, while I'm still stressed and unsure about the job situation, it's good to remember that I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family.

That's something worth saying.

Confused Thankfulness [#2]

Praying tonight for those in the midst of Hurricane Sandy. [See this earlier blog post for some other thoughts about the hurricane]. I have a lot of family up North but fortunately they don't seem to be in any serious danger right now. I know this can change quickly, but for now I'm thankful. 

Thankful is something I've been feeling more often in the last week. My job situation is still not ideal, but Monday-Wednesday some opportunities presented themselves and things are looking up. Thursday night I had a great time with Drew & Duke Lutherans [more on that later]. 

Friday night I babysat a couple adorable little girls so a Div. student couple could get a night out. I was happy to help them, but in the end I know I got the best end of that deal. Reading on the couch with a two and four year old curled up on either side, and then listening to them sing each other nursery rhymes when I [unsuccessfully] tried to get them to go to sleep. Yep, I was definitely thankful for that.

 Saturday we did some much needed cleaning before going to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Great food, got to catch up with friends, and OSU won. All things to be thankful for.

Sunday I slept in [reallllly late] which I haven't been able to do in a long time. Simple thing to be thankful for, but thankful nonetheless.

But, to return to a previous thought, it's Duke Lutherans that have been a big reason for this thankfulness. Thursday night we had a pumpkin carving party outside at St. Paul's new fire pit. It was a beautiful 70+ degree day, and I got to build the fire, so I was a happy girl. But those silly things aside, it's our students that bring me to this place of appreciation. It's such a joy to work with these people in this exciting and tumultuous time of their lives. And it's a joy to see Drew as he steps further into his call to work with them. The last three months have changed some of our plans, and for brief moments made us question what we were getting ourselves into with this whole "work in the church" thing. But those doubts can't last long when we're with these kids. They're the reason we're doing this. They're the call.

Drew summed it up nicely in his facebook status that night:

At some point during Sacred Space, the weekly small group event for Duke Lutherans, for the first time in a while I simply stopped and looked at our group. A few fully funded graduate students carving pumpkins along with a couple of NCAA Division 1 scholarship athletes. The leader of Antic Shakespeare enjoying the fire with the social chair of a sorority and museum curator to be. A PreMed Religion Major and an undeclared musician leading the charge for comedic relief and the first sloth/gourd fusion known to humankind. Others of us - fraternity brothers & coxswains, theologians & biologists, and many more unnamed - joined us in spirit. And I thought to myself, quite literally, "My God, what a wonderfully eccentric group," quickly followed by "My God, Thank you for this group, each of these people, this church which you entrust to me, with which you bless me, in which you show me your love and purpose for the world." Each of them - each of you - bless me, bring me life and light through Jesus, who binds us all together in our eccentricity.

[Now someone just has to tell us how we're supposed to say goodbye to these guys in May...]

Another week down

It's crazy how fast this year has gone. It can't be that we've been in this new apartment for 5 months already. That the summer came and went. That Thanksgiving is only 6 weeks away. That Drew and I got married almost two years ago. But alas, it seems all those things are true!

The year may be flying by, but right now I'm enjoying my Saturday. We slept in until after ten, made pancakes for breakfast, and now we're watching football loving the sunshine and cool breeze coming through the window.

This week wasn't too exciting. Mostly recovering from our weekend trip. But here are a few fun/random things to share:

- Drew and I had several "we're an old married couple" moments last week. The first was when we got super excited that our electricity bill was only $65. The second was when we went on a coupon frenzy at target and saved like $30. Yep, this is our life. We're cool with it :)

- This is my turkey friend. He's been hanging out my my church for the past several days. I think he got separated from his pals, and liked to see his reflection in the glass doors, so that's where he's stayed. Scared me to death the first time I saw him peering in the window, but he grew on me.

- I joined Instagram and Twitter in the past week. Judge me or love me. Whatev :P

- It's been cool here in Durham but today it was sunny and Stan decided to take advantage. He is such a sweetheart, and several times a day I find myself thanking God for the joy he has brought to our lives.

- A newer pic of our cutie nephew, Benjamin :) Got to skype with brother & sister-in-law earlier in the week and see this handsome guy. Everyone is healthy and happy and we're thrilled.

- Last night the youth at our church had a lock-in and Drew and I joined them for their bonfire. Stan was a hit with the kids, and I got to use my fire-building skills and teach the kids the "Tarzan Song" I learned at Camp Findley. It was pretty awesome.

- My handsome husband is officially getting installed as Vicar at St. Paul's tomorrow morning. I'll be sure to post some pics :)

That's all I got. Happy Saturday!

[Home]

Angela, one of my [many] cousins, is getting married next weekend, which means Drew and I will be spending a couple days in Fredonia. The last time we were in WNY together was New Years. I spent about 48 hours there this summer for another wedding, but that's it.

To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

Don't get me wrong, I love the home that Drew and I have made in Durham, and I will be very sad when it comes time to move. But there's just something about being in the place you grew up. The familiarity, the comfort, the sights, sounds and smells. And that's just the physical place. Add into the mix my ridiculously large family who still reside in Fredonia, and it gets even better :)

Being in the family house on the family farm is something I love. It's a bonus that it's the beginning of fall! The grapes will be ripe, the chestnut trees will smell amazing, and hopefully it'll still be warm enough to sit out on the porch and enjoy the scenery. Angela conveniently chose a wedding date that coincides with my Dad's birthday, and I'm pumped to be able to be with him on his actual birthday for the first time in I don't know how long. Dad's not a huge "celebrate me" person, but it'll be nice to have the whole family together, even if we're just talking on the couch or playing cards.

I mean, who wouldn't want to see these beautiful people?? For all the cool things 2012 has been, it has also been the year that I have seen my family (immediate and otherwise) the least in my entire life. Mom, Dad and Tom came down here for Drew's graduation, and then I saw Mom and Dad again in Ohio for Drew's grandma's funeral, but that's it. I know that's what happens when you grow up, but it's still lame. I also know that distance isn't all a bad thing. We're all different and independent people, and probably would drive each other crazy if we all lived under the same roof 365 days a year. But going 10 months with less than a week of facetime with the ones who I have spent most of my life with is crazy. I'm not sure it'll get better over the next couple years, so I'm going to enjoy every second I get to spend with these dear ones.

PLUS as if a regular reunion weren't enough excitement, Tom and Cait are now ENGAGED! I can't wait to give my brother a congratulatory hug, gush over the ring, and talk with my soon-to-be sister about wedding plans.

So here's hoping the next week goes fast, that this lingering cough goes away, and that travel goes smoothly. Because I can't wait to pull up that long stone driveway, let Stanley out of the car and watch him run around the home that I grew up in, to pick a few grapes to eat, to hug my parents, to ride around on the 4-wheeler with Drew, to marvel at how big my little cousins are getting, to eat spaghetti, and to watch my beautiful cousin walk down the aisle.

Monday, Monday

And here we are, at the beginning of another week.
Remembering how sick I felt last Monday, though, I'm not going to complain about this Monday, because other than a lingering cough, I feel much better.

This past weekend included:

- Going out for Italian with some neighbors on Friday night. I don't often get excited about Italian, because the only Italian I really crave is Nana's spaghetti, but dinner was delicious and our neighbors are fun and it was very nice.

- Saturday and Sunday I spent several hours helping out a family in town for a wedding. There were about 65 of them, and they were Orthodox Jews. Basically I spent my time in a hotel room that had been transformed into food central. The mother of the groom who hired me went to Costco and bought enough to feed a small country, but as Friday-Saturday night was the Sabbath, they needed some help, so I opened a lot of containers, turned on lights, and cleaned up. Surprisingly it was really fun. I like being there to help people be less stressed so they can enjoy time with family. And in addition to being paid for that time, we got a ton of leftover snack food, so Drew and I will eat well this week.

- In between working on Saturday, Drew and I stopped in at Duke Hospital to meet our dear friends' new baby girl! Ms. Isla Rowan Lee Baker was born on Friday night, and she is precious.

[Drew holding little Isla, and her Dad, Adam]

- Saturday night I had a bunch of Duke Lutheran gals over to bake and watch movies. It was super fun. Tangled and How to Train Your Dragon are both excellent movies that you should watch. As soon as possible. Plus two of the girls made a raspberry & strawberry pie (with crust from scratch), I made a pumpkin pie on graham cracker crust (per Drew's request), and we made these lemon bars. Holy crap. So bad for you. So extremely delicious.

- Sunday I woke up way too early to go back to the hotel and continue helping out. So when I got back, I took a shower and promptly fell asleep :P After waking up and hanging with Drew for awhile, I then went out and laid in the sun since it was almost 80 degrees. Living in the South is awesome. The day ended with Duke Lutheran's worship (you should totes check out Drew's sermon. It was legit), and watching the Emmy's.

All in all, I'll call it a success. Plus, there's so much to look forward to in the near future! How I Met Your Mother premieres tonight (!), I just got some great new books from a friend, and now it's only 10 days until Drew, Stan and I head up to New York for my cousin's wedding. Most excellent.

[Another great JJ Heller song you should listen to]

[Pinterest] Weekend Adventures

Mondays are lame.
Being sick on a Monday makes it even more lame.


In short, I hope your Monday was better than mine :)

Despite the super lame Monday, this weekend was pretty great.
Drew and I took Stanley out to the Eno River on Friday. It was pretty great. Stan is hilarious in the water, enjoying himself until it gets a little deeper than he was expecting, at which point he leaps and bounds every which way until he finds his way to higher ground.

[grainy cell phone picture of my two boys at the river]

Saturday was lazy. Went to Buffalo Wild Wings and watched the OSU game with Drew. 

Then it was baking time :)

I had to help with dinner for Duke Lutherans this weekend, so of course I volunteered to do the desserts.

I made these cookies [from here]. Brown butter chocolate chip cookies with nutella in the middle.

Yep, they were as good as they sound. Do yourself a favor and go make them. Now.

And I made two of these cakes [from here]. I put chocolate chips in one of them, just for good measure. It was also a hit.

Oh Pinterest, how I love thee.

Oh, and to continue my Pinterest kick, I made a version of these for some friends tonight. 

I heard they were well received also.

So, if you're looking something to brighten up your Monday, I would recommend any of these. But especially the cookies. Seriously. Make them now, thank me later :)

Ouch.

Despite the long weekend and thus short work week,
the past few days have not been the greatest for me.
My back decided that it'd been too long since it made a fuss,
and apparently Sunday night seemed like a perfectly good time to start.

Ugh.

For those of you who don't know, I have scoliosis, which is a fancy way of saying that my spine is curved. I've known about it since I was eight, wore a back brace in middle school/high school to try to curb the progression, and then, when that didn't work, I had surgery to correct the curve in June 2009. It was an intense procedure. I was on the table for 9 hours, in the hospital for a week, and laid up for much of the summer recovering.

[before, my curve was about 85 degrees]

 [after, curve reduced to about 35 degrees] 

[side view, just because it's crazy] 

Although what I'm experiencing now is not the worst pain I've been in [the year after surgery had some pretty low points, but the pain I was in before surgery was even worse than that], to be honest I've been dealing with it a lot less gracefully than I have previously. I think it's been so long since I've struggled like this that I lost some of my tolerance for it. Monday night/Tuesday were definitely the worst. I was so frustrated with the lack of relief that every action seemed like a chore. Fortunately, Drew seems to have been given an extra helping of patience this week, which is nice because I wouldn't have blamed him for taking me by the shoulders and shaking me. While I hoped relief would come when I woke up this morning, it did not. Part of me wanted to scream, but it seems a bigger part of me has found some resolve and reminded me that I'm capable of pushing through this until it passes.

And so, I press on. And as this pain reminds me of what I have already survived, it also reminds me of how faithful God has been through that journey, and the things He has taught me. The biggest lesson I had to learn? Humility. Not much else you can do when you can't even get out of bed without someone's help, let alone feed or dress yourself. I was reminded of it again this morning, when I had to ask Drew to brush my hair for me. My parents, Drew, and friends and family have stepped up in a bit way. It's a difficult pill to swallow; I much prefer helping to being helped. But at the same time, I'd never felt more loved, and it is such a beautiful illustration of the way God loves me, too.

I would never wish pain on anyone. 

I also don't believe that God desires for His people to suffer.

But, pain happens. 

And what I do believe is that God works in the pain for the good of those He loves.

[this is a video a friend at Ashland made a few years ago,

where i tell a specific story about my recovery,

and a place where God taught me something.

watch if you have a minute.]

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Well... the cat is out of the bag.

As I alluded to in my first post, I knew some changes were coming for Drew and I in this upcoming year. This past week it became official, and yesterday we announced it to our students, so now we can share with the rest of the world.

First, some helpful background info: Drew is in the ordination process for the Lutheran church [for those of you who don't live at a seminary, that's the fancy way of saying he is working towards being a Pastor]. Part of that process is getting a Masters of Divinity, which is the degree he completed at Duke this past spring. However, since Duke is not a Lutheran seminary, he is required to take some additional Lutheran specific classes to complete this process before he can be ordained. This is something we were aware of and had prepared for. Our plan was for him to commute to the closest Lutheran seminary (which is in Columbia, SC) part time over the next two years to complete these courses. This would allow us to stay in Durham and for him to continue his work with Duke Lutherans. At the end of those two years, we would move somewhere for our "internship year" which is another part of the ordination process, and then he would officially be a Pastor. Huzzah.

As you might have guessed from the title of this post, however, some things have changed. In a turn of events that requires a lot of explaining [and possibly a strong drink] to get through, going to the seminary in SC part time is not a viable option. As we were not made aware of this fact until the weekend before classes started, that did not give us a lot of time to figure out an alternative. I'm not gonna lie, it was a very long weekend of discouragement and frustration. Fortunately, God is good. Drew's ordination committee from Ohio rallied around us, as did our local church here in Durham. Thanks to their advocacy and some compromise from the seminary, we have a new plan in place.

Thus, as of October 1, Drew will begin his internship year, serving as the "vicar" at St. Paul's here in Durham. St. Paul's, for those of you who don't know, is the church Drew is already employed at, the church that sponsors Duke Lutherans. This means that Drew will continue his work on campus, as well as pick up extra responsibilities at St. Paul's. The internship year for an ordination candidate is to immerse them in full-time ministry under the supervision of an experienced Pastor, and we are beyond pleased for that to be happening here at St. Paul's. If the past year of Drew working there had not been enough, the overwhelming support we received yesterday at church after it was announced was just further encouragement that we are in a good place, surrounded by good people.

On the other hand, this means that next summer, once internship is over, we will be leaving Durham in order for Drew to be a full-time student at a Lutheran seminary. After a year of full-time classes, he will be eligible for ordination and we will take our first call. Crazy, right?

While we are excited for ordination to be a full year closer, we are also aware of what we are giving up for that to happen. Our plan for Drew to commute for his classes wasn't ideal, but we chose it for a good reason: we wanted to stay here longer. We love Durham, Duke, our students and our community. We are invested in this place and these people, and we were so looking forward to living life here for two more years.

But, ordination is the goal. Better still, ordination is the call. So while we may not love all the steps to getting there, we know that pressing on towards that call is what we need to do.

So... we are going to enjoy every single second of this year. Retreats, worship, meals and fellowship with our students. The beautiful weather and amazing food that Durham offers. Enjoying and encouraging our friends as their own lives change. We are excited for what's ahead of us, this year and beyond. It'll be crazy, but it will be great :)

...except for packing the house. that won't be so great.