keep careful watch of my brother's souls

I'm assuming that everyone at this point has heard the terrible news that Robin Williams was found dead in his home yesterday. A million people will write about this tragedy in similar fashions I am sure, but for whatever reason this particular celebrity death has really struck me and I just need to write about it.

After the news broke yesterday it seemed everybody on on Facebook and Twitter posted something expressing shock and grief, which I think is totally appropriate. Robin Williams was an icon who crossed so many genres that nearly everyone can recall seeing (and for the most part, loving) him in some particular role. From Aladdin's genie to Mrs. Doubtfire to Peter Pan to "O Captain, my captain," the references and recollections are endless.

While it's easy to remember his fun and funny roles, Williams' resume also included characters who dealt with very real and difficult circumstances. As hard as it is for me to process that a man who (in the public eye, of course) seemed so funny and easy-going could be suffering so much that he chose to end his own life, it is even harder for me to understand that action from the man in Dead Poet's Society, Good Will Hunting, and What Dreams May Come, a man whose characters dealt with the despair and tragedy of mental illness, abuse and the effects of suicide.

I recognize how that comes off as a very unfair statement. Robin Williams was not his characters, and we as the general public obviously did not know him or his personal life and what he was dealing with. The point of this post is not to judge Robin Williams for what he did. Rather, it is to express an incredible sadness that a man who was beloved around the world and across generations, a man who touched the lives of millions in portraying characters who dealt with this very situation, would feel so lost that he saw no other way but death. That, though he had not only money and fame, but a family who loved him and, one would assume, some level of awareness of the impact his vocation had on the world, would choose to die by his own hand.

Depression and mental illness is a messy, confusing and controversial topic and, again, I am under no illusions that I am saying anything that won't be said by a hundred other people. But I just can't stop thinking about this. Because part of the reason that depression/mental illness is such a messy, confusing and controversial topic is that it is so varied. Everyone's experience is different. It is not something we can quantify. Diagnosis and treatment is more objective than other illnesses.  And because of that, it's incredibly hard for the general public to form consistent opinions on what is "right" or "good" in talking about and dealing with the problem.

I have some close friends who have struggled with depression of varying levels, including such depression that leads to self-harm. In those experiences, I have wrestled with empathy. As much as I can sympathize with those friends, for their situations, for their pain, I cannot empathize with them. I cannot put myself in their shoes. Even at my darkest, dealing with my pain by harming myself has never seemed a viable option. Just as those of us who are not addicts will never be able to understand the compulsion of addiction, those of us who do not suffer from mental illnesses such as depression cannot comprehend the struggle of those afflicted. We just can't.

The point to all this? There is one, I think. For me it's a reminder that I need. I need to remember that depression is an incredible foe and a reality for many people, whether it is obvious or not, whether it "makes sense" or not, whether I understand it or not. And I need to be a part of the solution to the stigma surrounding depression and mental illness, by being an approachable, safe and informed resource should I encounter someone who is suffering in that way. The battle that our peers wage within their own minds and bodies is terrible enough without the additional weight of judgment from the world around them.

I can't find a sense of closure for this post. No way to end it neatly.
Perhaps that's fitting.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

And so, we pray.

This time last week we were counting down the hours until we would receive our regional assignment. Drew was in Texas when he got the call, and I was at work, so this is how I found out:

So that's it, folks. Looks like the Tuckers are gonna be southerners for a few more years :)

And with that question answered, there are a million more to ask. But last night we gathered with Drew's fellow seniors and worshipped and prayed together as we marked this important step in a process which, though at times has seemed never-ending, is in fact drawing to a close. And it was another beautiful reminder of this fantastic community that we have found ourselves so graciously welcomed into this year.  I can so vividly remember the anxiety that plagued me when our plans suddenly changed to include a year here in Columbia, but I am so grateful for the time we've had here.

And so, with that unnecessary but at the same time very necessary reminder that God is in fact taking care of us in every way, it's incredibly exciting to pray for Drew and his classmates, and to dream about the months to come and everything they will bring.

So, go ahead of us, Lord, as winter turns into spring, as midterms turn into finals, as the to-do lists are marked off and syllabi are completed. Because despite how much is still left to be done, this semester will end and a new adventure awaits.

Give us patience, Spirit, when we would rather wish away the days and weeks, ready to be done with everything that comes with being a student. Because education, let alone an advanced degree, is a privilege denied to many, and there will not often be the opportunity to learn at this level once this time is over.

Watch over us, Father, in conversations with Bishops and Synod Offices, in phone calls with call committees, in the nerves that come with interviews and the uncertainty in decision making. Because the process can be stressful, the responsibility daunting, and on our own we can't possibly hope to know what to do.

Thank you, God, for synod staff who look out for us, for families and friends praying for us, for peers who can celebrate and commiserate with us. Because it is within the Body of Christ that we see, hear and know You in new and exciting ways.

Be with us always, Jesus, and especially now. As we close this chapter and begin a new one. In the final all-nighters of studying and days in the classroom. In shared meals and time with friends that have become dear. As paperwork is distributed and calls are extended. As boxes are packed and moving trucks rented. As we say goodbye to this place, and hello to something new.

For peace when there is anxiety, focus when things just need to get done, wisdom in conversation, discernment in the process, joy in the moment, love in community, and a cool breeze on the inevitably sweltering summer day when we once again pack our life into a truck trailer and drive away, we pray.

And You hear our prayer.

How do I pray today?

As the morning paper, CNN.com, and your social networking sites can attest, something big is happening in Washington. As a Christian it seems fitting to pray. I'm sure pastors around the country are calling their congregations to prayer this morning. We are a people who believe in a God who hears our prayers, and right now our country could clearly use some divine intervention.

But the reflection that this morning's news has necessitated in me has forced me, once again, to admit the sad truth that I am woefully ignorant of [a great many things, including] the vast majority of the problems our government is dealing with, and the ways in which the government functions [or, is supposed to function] in order to deal with these problems.

I don't know how to pray about this shutdown because I just don't know what's going on.

I've never been interested in politics or government. We didn't have political debates around the dinner table growing up. Living at Duke alongside some very opinionated and intelligent students encouraged me to be a little more socially aware; marrying into a family which is also very opinionated and willing to have conversations about all those opinions has taught me that healthy discourse is possible. But I will not delude myself into thinking that I am as informed as I should be about what is happening in our country today. The only way I know how to"help" is to join my prayers with the Body of Christ across the country, but I am finding that I'm not sure how to even do that.

How do we pray when it is hard to get a clear understanding of what's going on? Who's to blame- the Democrats? Republicans? The President? Which media outlet or political analyst is telling us the truth? Is there such a thing as "truth" in this situation? Is there a way for this to be resolved, or will any solution just be a band-aid, holding us over until the next crisis? Is our current system sustainable? What about healthcare, which side is right about that?

These questions overwhelm me. But this morning, I'm thinking about this desire to know the "truth" before I pray, and wondering what that's all about. It seems that I am afraid that being uninformed will lead to petitioning God incorrectly, or something to that effect. That, unless I've formed an intelligent opinion, my prayers are worthless. But I'm pretty positive that is not how it works. And, if I am a person who believes in a God who hears my prayers, and that our country needs some divine intervention, praying is exactly what I should be doing right now. Praying not only for resolution in the government, but also that God's people would rise to the occasion in this time of crisis, to be informed and help serve those suffering the consequences of this shutdown, and of the brokenness of our system in general.

:: I may not know who is to blame for this shutdown, or really if blame can be appropriated to one person or set of people, but I know that, to find resolution, there needs to be a softening of hearts and minds and a willingness to listen and compromise. And so I pray for the members of the House and the Senate, that they may be convicted to listen to one another in an attempt to find resolution that will benefit the people of this country, even if they disagree with parts of it.

:: I may not know all the ins and outs led to this shutdown, but I know that there are some 800,000+ people today who suddenly don't have a paycheck, and that's a terrible feeling. And so I pray that the Church would rally around those individuals and families, to provide for them when and where there is need. Also, that we would remember the millions of other people who have been without jobs prior to today, and that we would not abandon them and forget their needs in the midst of a culture with a terribly short attention span.

:: I will never know the immense difficulty and responsibility that lays on the President's shoulders, but I know that, whether you agree or vehemently disagree with anything/everything he has done, he was elected into this position and now must bear the weight of that responsibility. And so I pray for an abundant portion of God's wisdom to be upon him. That he would mediate, listen, direct, and compromise. That he would seek always to do good and serve in his position to the best of his ability.

:: I definitely do not know the "truth" about healthcare reform, if either side is right, or what the ramifications of the legislation will be, but I do know people who are sick and cannot get health insurance, who are caught in a spiral of medical debt for which there is no foreseeable end. And so, as I long for a day when there is no more sickness or brokenness of body or mind, I pray for a system that will better serve the masses of people who are currently unable to get the health coverage that I have been so fortunate to have throughout my life. And I pray that the Body of Christ would rise up to serve and speak for those persons, that we would not be content to sit by idly when so many people who are made in the image of God are suffering and do not have the power or resources to find help and be made whole again.

:: I may never be able to figure out what's really happening in Washington, whose opinion can be trusted, what the long-term consequences of whatever law or policy being debated will be, but I know that God knows. And so I pray that even, and especially, in the midst of situations that I do not understand and cannot control, I would still pray and trust that God listens.

Hear us, O God.
Your mercy is great.

A prayer for today

Incredibly quick note before I go off to work this morning, but this is on my heart and I need to share it.

The Supreme Court is ruling on DOMA today, and so I'm sure by the time I get home and check facebook this evening, my feed will be covered in opinions, debates, politically charged memes, etc. on both the happy and disappointed side.

I know one of the beautiful things about our country is that we are allowed to have such differing opinions, but we do so much damage with this privilege. We allow such hate to flow from us because of our freedom of speech and the ability to speak through such a medium that we don't have to actually look people in the eye.

My prayer for today is that, no matter what the ruling is, no matter how happy or infuriated it makes us, we would remember this:

All people are created in the image of God.

I pray that when we deal with this news today we can remember that. That the words we say, especially to those on the opposite side of this debate, would be affected by this truth.

Because those people whom we so strongly disagree with?
God made them, and Christ died for them.

I think that should mean something.

Lord, in Your mercy,
hear my prayer.

A New Chapter

After a quick weekend up in Durham, Stan the Man and I are back in our new apartment in Columbia, this time for good. Well, mostly. We have a few trips planned this summer (for baby nephew's baptism and Brother Bear's WEDDING!), and I will be back in Durham for Drew's final Sunday at St. Paul's, but just for a weekend. In the grand scheme of things, I live in South Carolina now.

Woot.

Drew is still living in Durham finishing his internship through the end of July, which means I am living in SC alone. Well, technically with Stan, but he's not much of a conversationalist.  And Drew is going to be pretty swamped, especially in the next two weeks, working at a camp at Duke, so he will not be available to chat very often. I'll be busy working (a temp job), looking for full-time work, and unpacking, but let's be honest, I'm going to be lonely. So I would like to apologize in advance for the probable excessive use of social media over the next month. I'm just pretty confident it's going to happen, so sorry if that's super annoying to you.

Drew's journey here will start with classes in August, but I am here looking for a job and trying to get the apartment unpacked and learn a new city. I'd appreciate your prayers as we enter this new chapter of our lives! A few requests in particular would be:

- That I find a job (that I like) quickly! I am mostly looking at office type jobs right now because that is what my experience is in, but I'm open to a change as well!

- That I find a community of friends: I'll probably be checking out a church this Sunday, and there are some people living on campus here. Fortunately, Stan is very friendly and a great ice-breaker when I see people walking around but am feeling shy :P

- For Drew: that the camp at Duke will go well, that the remainder of his time at St. Paul's would continue to be a good experience, and that his transition out of Durham and into Columbia would go smoothly.

- For silly things: like that I would be focused and productive at home so I can get this place unpacked; that I won't find any more cockroaches while unpacking (yes, welcome to the South); that the incredibly sketchy wireless network here would be... less sketchy, I guess, because I really like having Pandora or Netflix on when I'm here by myself and right now that is just not happening; and that I can finally get my TomTom to update it's maps, because a GPS is the only way I'm going to be able to get anywhere down here.

Thanks in advance for your prayers :) I will post some pictures of the new place once it is more presentable!


Also, some good advice for your life:

Brother Bear

Today my brother, Tom, turns 22 years old.

Happy birthday, dude :)

It's going to be a good year for Tom. In a few short weeks he'll graduate from Ashland University, move to Seattle to start his awesome job at Amazon, and then at the end of July he's getting married to the absolute perfect girl for him. I could not be more thrilled for both of them.

I got to spend my last year and a half at Ashland with Tommy.  I loved having him there, knowing that once I graduated I was moving to North Carolina and would thus see him a lot less.  At one point during his first semester, we were eating together in the dining hall and one of my residents came to our table when Tom was up getting food, and asked if Tom wanted to sit with him and his friends. I told him we were catching up, but thanks for the offer, to which the student replied, "Wow, my sister goes here too but we would never eat together!"

I didn't think about our relationship a ton prior to that time. Tom and I grew up doing everything together, but we were surrounded by our cousins and their siblings who also did everything together. It didn't seem odd to me that we would be friends by the end of all that, but I guess for some people it doesn't work out that way. Not everyone likes their siblings. Or, they can like them but not really be friends. Realizing that made me pretty appreciative.  We didn't always get along perfectly, but I can think back throughout our childhood and know that he has always been there for me, and vice versa.

Together, we played made-up games that spanned for months. We had names (and an intricate social hierarchy) for all our stuffed animals. We would get sent to our rooms for fighting with each other, but then sit by the shared wall in our closets so we could keep talking. We made pacts to show each other our Christmas presents early. When I first got my back brace, he helped me loosen and re-tighten it before I could do it on my own, so mom and dad wouldn't know. We survived chamber choir, wrestling seasons, and musicals together. He stayed up with me at night after my surgery, and talked to me until I could take my meds. I watched him come to Ashland and finding an amazing new group of friends, but he still found time to eat with me once in awhile when I was feeling lonely because Drew was so far away. And this past year, I've cheered him on as he took an internship in a far away city and rocked it all summer, and when he bought an engagement ring all by himself, proposed, and then landed a kick-ass job for after graduation.

So, TomTom, happy birthday. I'm so proud to see the man you have grown up to be, and glad I've gotten to be a part of the journey so far.

Here's to you, brother :)

Rolling with the punches

I had hoped to get back into blogging when we got back from Mexico, but of course life started up again and life is crazy and here we finally are, 2+ weeks later. I do intend to blog a bit about our trip and experience there, but first I wanted to give y'all an update on what's going on in our lives.

You may remember way back in the fall I posted about some changes to our plan in regards to life and ministry and Drew's schooling. Well, life and the Lord are keeping us on our toes, and our schedule for the summer has once again changed. Our apartment lease is up in May and for a number of reasons we cannot extend it through the summer, so we will be packing up our apartment and moving our possessions down to Columbia, South Carolina (where Drew will be going to school in the fall) the second week of May. I am currently in the process of searching for jobs down there, and will plan to relocate once I find one. Drew, however, is obligated to be in Durham until August. Thankfully, we are blessed with friends who have agreed to host him/us for the summer months, so we will not be sleeping in a tent.

While figuring all this out has caused us a bit of stress over the last few weeks, I know we have much to be grateful for. We had no trouble getting into an apartment on campus, despite it being earlier than we had originally planned. Plus, the apartments are nice and affordable and literally right on campus, so that will be very convenient. Also, my awesome husband was fortunate enough to be hired for Duke Youth Academy in June. DYA is a two-week program for high school students sponsored by the Divinity School here. Drew will be part of the staff which includes living on campus with the students and being a leader/teacher. The extra income will be a huge blessing, but moreover it will be a great experience for him and I couldn't be more proud.

So along with the beautiful weather April will [hopefully] bring, it will also bring boxes and packing, resumes and interviews, and a lot of goodbyes that I am not looking forward to. We would so appreciate your prayers as we wrap things up with our students at Duke, as we pack and move, and as I start the job application process.

Now it's March...

So... February didn't happen here. Sorry for neglecting you, blog.

It seemed a good time to get back on here to ask for your prayers as we are leaving for our Spring Break missions' trip tomorrow! Drew and I, along with Katie, the Presbyterian campus minister and 7 Duke students will be heading to Agua Prieta, Mexico tomorrow morning for the week. We will be serving with a ministry called Frontera de Cristo, a ministry which works with people along the Mexico/Arizona border.

We are not sure about our internet access down there so unfortunately I wouldn't expect a lot of updates, but we would love if you could pray for us throughout the week. Here are some specific prayer requests:

- Safety in travel and for the duration of our stay.
- For the church/ministry who will host us.
- For the children we will be ministering to daily as we run a VBS.
- For the group members: Drew and I, Katie, Maggie, Beth, Hannah, Crystal, Elizabeth, Charlotte, & John; that we would stay healthy, for team unity, and that God will meet and minister to us and through us in the time we have down there.

And last but not least, I'd like to throw up a little prayer here that by the time we get back in a week, Durham will have finally decided it is time for Spring to come and stay. I am ready for some sunshine :)

Happy March!

Waiting Expectantly

11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. - Jeremiah 29:11-12

 14 The days are surely coming, says the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah. 15 In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David; and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land. 16 In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. And this is the name by which it will be called: "The Lord is our righteousness."
- Jeremiah 33:14-16

It's been a busy week since we got back from our Thanksgiving in Colorado. One of those weeks where I drove to the church a two nights after I got off of work so I could see my husband for 15 minutes before he went into a meeting. Where the dishes didn't get done for awhile, and we ate out a couple of times. But our Sundays are generally about the same: we get home from church, Drew falls asleep on the couch watching football, I fool around on my computer while kind of watching football, and Stan paces around wishing we were more exciting :P It's a ritual that I enjoy.

Now it's December, and Advent has started. Advent is the start of a new church year. It is a time of expectation and hope.  We read the prophecies foretelling Jesus' birth, we light the candles, we remember this crazy thing that God did those many years ago.

It's kind of funny to me that every year we go through this practice of "waiting expectantly." We wait in assurance that God will be faithful and honor the promise that He has made to us.  It's funny, because you'd think after all this practice we would be better at doing it in real life. But let's be honest, it's easy to wait expectantly for something we know has already happened. We begin each Advent knowing what the outcome is: the Messiah.

When it's our own lives, though, waiting is not a strength of ours. We are impatient people bred in a culture of instant gratification. We get upset when our internet page takes more than 5 seconds to load, when we can't get something shipped in two days, or when the McDonalds' worker asks us to pull our car up to wait for our order. And that's just the small stuff. What about when we're waiting to hear back about that dream job we interviewed for? Or waiting to meet that special someone? When we're waiting for medical test results, or about a scholarship to our first-choice school, waiting expectantly is not what we want to do. We want God to give us whatever outcome we desire, and the sooner the better.

When Jeremiah was prophesying, it was in the darkest of times. The temple had been destroyed. The people were taken off into captivity. The majority of Jeremiah's writings are full of grief and loss. Yet, Jeremiah still spoke of God's promises. He reiterates that God's plans are good and that they will come to fruition. Even as the world around him was burning, Jeremiah waited expectantly for the righteousness of his Lord.

The timing of this post and of these reflections of mine are not coincidental. My Aunt Lori will be having surgery tomorrow morning in Buffalo to remove a tumor from her brain. From what I know, the tumor is in a good location and the surgery is expected to go well, but of course we're all worried and anxious for the ordeal to be over with. Also, Drew's grandfather is in the hospital right now with some heart complications, and we are not sure what that means or what's going to happen next for him. And there are many other people in the midst of this Advent season who are grieving due to sickness or death in their families, because of lost jobs,  separation from family members, because of homes destroyed by natural disasters, or ravaged by war.

So what is there to say to myself and my family as we pray for Lori tomorrow, to Drew and his parents as they worry about Grandpa Dale, and to everyone touched by fear and sadness at the beginning of this most joyous season of Advent? Remember Jeremiah. Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. Jeremiah, who complains and lashes out in despair as he watches the place where his people encounter God toppling over, and his countrymen taken away from their promised land. Jeremiah, who would not see the righteousness he prophesied about in his lifetime, but spoke the Word of the Lord for the generations to follow. Jeremiah, who knew, though all seemed lost, that God was still good. Jeremiah, who waited expectantly for the promise that we have already received: Immanuel, God with us.

21 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." 25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.
- Lamentations 3:21-25

Just to say something

It's been over a week since I blogged asking y'all to pray for me about a job situation. For the reasons surrounding that post and otherwise, much of last week wasn't great. I thought about blogging a couple times, but I had no idea what to write about, so I didn't. I'm not sure I have much to write about today, but sometimes you just need to say something, you know?

I would still covet your prayers over my job stuff. With Drew's encouragement, I did give notice to my boss, saying that I would not work past Christmas. It was hard, and I'm still nervous about finding something else, but I know it is what's best for my health and sanity, and I'm grateful that Drew helped me feel ok about that. We've been really blessed to find out that we'll be receiving some financial support from one of our churches in the near future, so I'm thankful that God is providing in that way as I continue to search for a way to make some more money for us.

Despite the less than stellar week, the weekend was fun because our [newly engaged] friends from Ashland, Cameron and Sara, came for a visit! The timing could not have been better as Durham graced us with a beautiful 70 degree weekend. It was so nice to catch up and visit with them, especially at such an exciting time in their lives!

Monday I worked both jobs and got home just in time to see Drew off to a dinner meeting. Rather than mope around by myself, I corralled my little bro and talked my parents through getting google plus so that we could all do a google hangout. Best. Idea. Ever.

Dad, Mom, and [really old] Chip the Dog

Tom discovered the Effects App

 

 

 Arrrrr!

Tom has a cake, and I have a party hat.

It was pretty great. Since Drew and I are heading to Colorado for Thanksgiving, I won't get to see my family again until New Years', so I'm very grateful to Google for developing such cool software, even if we are letting them take over the world.

So, while I'm still stressed and unsure about the job situation, it's good to remember that I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family.

That's something worth saying.

Prayers, Please

Hello friends -

If you've read some of my earlier posts, you know that I'm working a part-time job right now that is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. I've been trying to find something to replace it for awhile now, and finally thought I had something lined up. But yesterday that job fell through. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty sad about it.

Drew was gone so I called my mom. She let me cry and said she was sorry, and also reminded me that God still has something in store for me. I know that's true, but at that moment I was still pretty upset.

Once I got off the phone I got back on Craigslist to look at what jobs were listed, and I found an ad for a job that is exactly what I want to do. Seriously. This morning I called the woman to see if she was still accepting resumes. She said that she already has a lot of applicants to wade through, but that I could send her my information, so I did.

At this point I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm really hoping that this is the door God is opening as the other one was shut. So I'm coveting your prayers for this. That something about my resume would stick out to this woman and I would get an interview, or that another opportunity would come up. I guess mostly that I would still know that God is taking care of me through all of this and that He is going to provide. It's something that I know in my head but am struggling to remember in my heart.

Confused Thankfulness [#2]

Praying tonight for those in the midst of Hurricane Sandy. [See this earlier blog post for some other thoughts about the hurricane]. I have a lot of family up North but fortunately they don't seem to be in any serious danger right now. I know this can change quickly, but for now I'm thankful. 

Thankful is something I've been feeling more often in the last week. My job situation is still not ideal, but Monday-Wednesday some opportunities presented themselves and things are looking up. Thursday night I had a great time with Drew & Duke Lutherans [more on that later]. 

Friday night I babysat a couple adorable little girls so a Div. student couple could get a night out. I was happy to help them, but in the end I know I got the best end of that deal. Reading on the couch with a two and four year old curled up on either side, and then listening to them sing each other nursery rhymes when I [unsuccessfully] tried to get them to go to sleep. Yep, I was definitely thankful for that.

 Saturday we did some much needed cleaning before going to a friend's house for a Halloween party. Great food, got to catch up with friends, and OSU won. All things to be thankful for.

Sunday I slept in [reallllly late] which I haven't been able to do in a long time. Simple thing to be thankful for, but thankful nonetheless.

But, to return to a previous thought, it's Duke Lutherans that have been a big reason for this thankfulness. Thursday night we had a pumpkin carving party outside at St. Paul's new fire pit. It was a beautiful 70+ degree day, and I got to build the fire, so I was a happy girl. But those silly things aside, it's our students that bring me to this place of appreciation. It's such a joy to work with these people in this exciting and tumultuous time of their lives. And it's a joy to see Drew as he steps further into his call to work with them. The last three months have changed some of our plans, and for brief moments made us question what we were getting ourselves into with this whole "work in the church" thing. But those doubts can't last long when we're with these kids. They're the reason we're doing this. They're the call.

Drew summed it up nicely in his facebook status that night:

At some point during Sacred Space, the weekly small group event for Duke Lutherans, for the first time in a while I simply stopped and looked at our group. A few fully funded graduate students carving pumpkins along with a couple of NCAA Division 1 scholarship athletes. The leader of Antic Shakespeare enjoying the fire with the social chair of a sorority and museum curator to be. A PreMed Religion Major and an undeclared musician leading the charge for comedic relief and the first sloth/gourd fusion known to humankind. Others of us - fraternity brothers & coxswains, theologians & biologists, and many more unnamed - joined us in spirit. And I thought to myself, quite literally, "My God, what a wonderfully eccentric group," quickly followed by "My God, Thank you for this group, each of these people, this church which you entrust to me, with which you bless me, in which you show me your love and purpose for the world." Each of them - each of you - bless me, bring me life and light through Jesus, who binds us all together in our eccentricity.

[Now someone just has to tell us how we're supposed to say goodbye to these guys in May...]

things worth sharing

Last night's post was long, so I'm gonna make this one short and sweet. Here are two things you should see today. One is happy, the other not so much, but please take the time for both.

They're just the cutest things I've ever seen. That glance to each other at the start? Melts my heart. I hope they grow up to be best friends.

The second is a Duke chronicle article. [Link here]
It's written by the mother of a student who was killed in an alcohol-related car accident last year.
Hurricane talk yesterday, and now a car crash. Sorry, not trying to be Debbie Downer. But this article is so worth the read, for anyone, but especially people who are students or are working with students.We see these accidents in the news, we feel bad for the victims and their families, but they don't often get more personal than that. This woman is speaking out so that others might be spared the suffering she has gone through. Please take a moment and read it, and say a prayer for this grieving mother and her family.

NOLA and John 10

As the title of this post suggests, I have had two things on my mind today.  
[Bear with me, I have a lot to say about this.]

John 10 came up because it's the Scripture that my Pastor is preaching on this week. I read it as I was working on the powerpoint, and a couple verses in particular struck me.

²⁴ The Jews gathered around him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.” ²⁵ Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me, ²⁶ but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. ²⁷ My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. ²⁸ I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 

Hurricane Isaac has made landfall in the gulf and is causing a lot of damage in New Orleans, as well as other places, on what happens to be the seventh anniversary of Katrina's destruction of that same area. [Check out the news] For those who don't know, NOLA holds a pretty dear place in my heart. I have been there four times post Katrina to do relief work, the most recent trip just this past March.

So where might these two thoughts connect? Well in first thinking about the passage I was stuck on what the Jews said in verse 24.  If you are the Christ, tell us plainly.  I think I can often relate to this sentiment. Be straight with me, Lord. Tell me who You are and what You're doing, because I can't figure it out. Christ's reply to the Jews is simple: I did tell you, but you do not believe.

Ouch.

The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me, ²⁶ but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. But of course, we're not like those people Jesus is talking to. They saw Jesus doing crazy miracles and they still didn't believe. If we had been there, we totally would have believed him. Right?

²⁷ My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. Today, in the midst of wondering who God is in the midst of my crazy life and this crazier world, I had to ask: Do I know His voice? Do I see His work?  While I have not had the privilege of seeing someone healed right in front of me,  I have to admit that I have seen/heard about Jesus doing some pretty extraordinary things in and through His people. In my four trips to NOLA I have gutted a house and helped restore another. I have served people food and listened to their stories. I have seen the 9th Ward transform to a place of destruction, to a vast empty space, to a growing community. I have been there a very short amount of time, but I have served next to amazing people who have committed their lives to God's restoration of that place and its people, and they have impacted me greatly. And, as if that weren't enough, the teams I served with bore wonderful and challenging friendships that have altered the course of my life. NOLA is more than a place I've been; it's a place that God used to utterly change me. It's a place where I saw His hands working. A place where I heard His voice speaking over His sheep.

So, after relating to the Jews and their question to Jesus, being convicted by Jesus' proclamation that He had already answered that question, and remembering the voice of the Good Shepherd and the works that He has done, I can come to the end of this passage and have hope for NOLA and those in Isaac's path. ²⁸ I give [my sheep] eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 
 
At some point, the sun will rise and make plain what has been lost. There will be grief and anger and questions. Some will wonder where God was, others will call it His judgment. But here is the truth: Jesus does not abandon His sheep. The most amazing thing about New Orleans was not seeing how incredible the destruction was, but seeing the incredible ways in which God was moving because of the faithfulness of His people. The tragedy of Katrina was multiplied by the failure of the government and its rescue agencies in the immediate aftermath of the storm, and by the horrible stories of residents being scammed out of their money by fake contractors and the like. But I heard different stories. Like how the location of large church allowed them to partner with the National Guard and assist people within 72 hours of the storm. About how agencies like Samaritan's Purse and Operation Blessing were some of the first organizations to get to NOLA with food and supplies and people to help. How Lutheran World Relief set up camps to aid in the rebuilding effort, and are still there 7 years later. This is His work. This is what speaks for Him. Jesus does not abandon His sheep.


Please join me in praying for the people of New Orleans and along the coast where Isaac is hitting. Pray encouragement over our brothers and sisters in Christ who are being God's hands and feet in that place, and have been doing so for many years. It is through their faithfulness that I have heard the answer to my questions and doubts.  He has shown me plainly. He is the Christ.